A Lady Under Construction

Hello dear One!

Thanks for stopping by. It’s good to see you again!

I want to start by saying that a lot has happened in my personal life since 2025 started and I figured this was as good a time as any to catch you up. On January 20th, while the majority of Americans were rejoicing the changing of the guard on our political scene, I was receiving the news that my momma passed away, unexpectedly. It all happened very quickly. I live out of state and there was no time to get there before she passed.

Now, we all know that death is inevitable. And I have lived long enough to have watched a number of my friends walk through the loss of one– or even both– of their parents. My head knew this would happen one day; but– the thing is? My head apparently never told my heart! For some insanely crazy reason that I can not begin to explain, my heart was completely shocked by the news.

I still haven’t come to terms with it.  I know this will sound absolutely bonkers because we each realize that death is something we will all have to eventually deal with. But for some reason, my heart just keeps screaming, “That’s other peoples’ moms! Not MY mom! My mom can’t die!

And then my head steps back in and says, “Hey– not only can she die, she DID die!”

Even worse?  A hundred times a day, for no particular reason, my head decides to give my heart a reality check! “You ain’t got a momma any more!”, it quips. Each time the haunting words make me struggle to catch my breath. It’s almost like two siblings, living under the same roof, who can’t get along! It’s all been quite odd and has sent me into a bit of an emotional tailspin.

My mom and I had a number of unresolved issues between us. Now? I’m going to have to work through those alone, with the memory that she loved me dearly but the realization that we couldn’t reach restoration in this life time. It’s a bittersweet reality.

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My writing is going to be impacted by the loss. There were already a dozen facets of my life that I’d intentionally placed under construction. I have identified patterns of behavior in my life that don’t line up with who I want to be in this season of life, so I’m cleaning house and doing a considerable amount of remodeling. I’ve been reading, writing, and studying furiously. Change is never easy but not changing is spiritually and emotionally deadly, so I am continuing to push through towards a vision that, although not completely clear yet, promises to be lighter, brighter and more aligned with my purpose.

It’s a new arena for me. I’ve never really been one to enjoy change. In the past, I’ve tended to cling to the old, comfortable, ill-fitted situations where I knew what to expect and what was expected of me rather than forging ahead into scary, new territory. But that was the old me. New me is still uncomfortable, but she has determined that she will press forward anyway.

I will make some wrong turns along the way, I suppose. But I won’t beat myself up about that. I have promised myself that I will embrace every aspect of the journey with the understanding that it takes both the ‘good’ and the ‘not so good’, the ‘gentle’ and the ‘harsh’ to propel us where we need to be. After all, a diamond isn’t forged in gentle waters.

I hope you will stick around and cheer for me as I break down the fears, insecurities and challenges which have been stumbling blocks in the past. I would certainly appreciate having cheerleaders as I push onward towards the finish line of life. For my part, I promise that I will continue to show up here— in spite of all my flaws and short comings— offering encouragement and hope to everyone who’s path I cross.

Until Next Time,

I Daydream About New Things

Hello Dear Friend!

Welcome! Today? I’m daydreaming! NOT out of discontentment, as we all sometimes do… But in preparation for upcoming change. We’ll be moving again soon. I’m not exactly sure where or… even when. The uncertainty could frazzle the nerves of someone like me— someone who’s always tried to have a plan A, B and C! 

 

I could follow natural human tendencies and let fear of the unknown cloud my thinking. I could allow myself to become obsessed with re-creating a home that looks exactly like these great pictures and stomp my feet in utter frustration if the slightest little thing falls short of my expectations. Ah, but our dreams aren’t there to stir up discontentment. They are simply supposed to get the creative juices flowing! 

 

The trick is realizing that I don’t need these things to magically become happy. My daydreams are merely tools– tools which help me mold and shape—guard and discard, in such a way that my fears of the unknown are distracted by all the excitement of “what’s next”! 

 

What if.. for example… Instead of focusing on “losing” my insanely beautiful 1960 Frigidaire Flair oven, I allow my mind the freedom of exploring a million other beautiful types of kitchen designs?

 

What if… Instead of sighing about leaving another secret garden behind, I encourage my mind to design my next outdoor retreat— something enchanting with meandering cobblestone paths and the alluring sound of trickling water? 

 

Oh dear friend, daydreaming doesn’t mean I am woefully discontent. It means I am teaching my soul how to hold things loosely — to deeply appreciate what I have in the moment; but to hold so much hopeful expectation for tomorrow, that I am not fearful to walk into the unknown. 

 

I hope you’ll be encouraged to do some daydreaming of your own. After all, hopeful expectation is a beautiful thing! 


Until Next Time,