Tag: #personalgrowth

Number Four on the Countdown

Posted on by mrsmonarch

This is part two of a five part series entitled “Five Truths I’ve Finally Learned”. If you find this a worthy read, please help me spread the word by sharing it with your friends & family.

If you missed the first post and would like to start there, here’s your link:

https://builttobeabutterfly.com/five-truths-ive-finally-learned/

Hello again my friends!

Most of us have quirky little “pet phrases” we use in our daily life. Those of you who know me well know one of mine is “growing opportunity”. I use it like this: “Ah yes, it seems I’ve, once again, stumbled onto a growing opportunity!”  Then I’ll laugh, shrug my shoulders and flash a half-hearted smile. 

I’m not completely sure what that phrase conveys to you… but in total transparency, what I mean when I say that is: “Wow. This is way outside my comfort zone and… it’s probably gonna’ hurt like HADES!” 

It’s funny how different something appears when a person pulls back the curtain and shows you their ugly truth isn’t it??! Yet my truth is… I use the phrase. A LOT. And I probably FEEL it even more often than I allow myself to SAY it. 

Yes! I am a person who has experienced a LOT of “growing opportunities” in my life time!  Some of them are the results of my own mistakes and sins; others are just because I am human, living in a less than perfect world.  

While there are multitude of reasons we experience these “growing opportunities”, there is one thing you can pretty much always count on: They are almost always painful— regardless of their cause.

I realize we live in a world were transparency isn’t encouraged. Occasionally, the words that I write might feel … “cringy”. Raw; a little too raw, perhaps. But I don’t see how the Father can be glorified with our spit-shined, squeaky-clean, false bravados. You see, if I present myself as having it all together, not only is that dishonest— but it also cheats my Creator out of the praise He should get for all of the things He has done in my life! After all, every good thing I am is merely a reflection of His Light shining through me! All the yucky stuff y’all don’t like?? Well… that’s the “real me”.

He isn’t glorified in our self-proclaimed perfection. In order for God to get the glory and praise He deserves, we have to be willing to come down off our high horse and get real with each other. That’s why I try to write with honesty— even when it’s personally embarrassing. I want y’all to see who He is and what He has done for me. So, in an attempt to do that, I’m going to divulge Number Four on my countdown of “The Five Things I’ve Finally Learned”.  Are you ready? Here it goes!

“A LITTLE DISCOMFORT IS REQUIRED”.

HA!! Yes, I’m laughing. Sorry—not sorry. It’s just that I’m envisioning the look on your face as you read that! Hahahaha. It probably wasn’t the earth shattering revelation you expected, eh? My guess is, no— it was nothing like what you anticipated. Still… it’s a very real truth. And, it’s a truth it took me an embarrassingly long time to discover! Allow me to elaborate…

Let’s be honest. None of us like discomfort, least of all me! But when I step back and take an honest assessment of my life, I have to admit that some of my most valuable life lessons came during a season of significant discomfort. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering why that is. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

As painful as it is to accept—-Growth doesn’t happen when we’re cozy and comfortable. We don’t want to hear that, but deep down inside, we all know it’s true.

Though we all long for ease and comfort, the fruit produced by a comfortable lifestyle doesn’t make us stronger. In fact, comfort tends to make us lazy… and weak! It makes us physically and spiritually complacent.  If that’s the case, it’s worth investigating whether or not a lack of comfort could have the opposite effect.

Okay. Maybe I’m the only one, but I have found that it is during those dark, scary, lonely, overwhelmed times when I am suddenly— and painfully— reminded how weak, frail and vulnerable I really am! It is during these times when I have to admit that I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the courage, I don‘t have the strength, the faith or the knowledge to solve my problem. That’s right. It’s during the tough times that I have been humbled.

The plot twist in that is— it is in this place of humbled humanity, where I am reunited with my Creator. That’s hard to admit, because I’d much rather say that I’m strong and faithful ALL the time! But unfortunately, that hasn’t always been the case. It is discomfort which is often the driving force for renewing my prayer life. It’s the catalyst which gets me back into His Word.

As embarrassing as that can be to admit, I think it’s really important to share. I don’t know what life is like for you at the moment. I don’t know the specifics of your trials and heartaches, but I do know that we each encounter challenging times every now and then.  I don’t think it’s necessary for us to like difficult times… but I do believe it’s valuable for us to see them as “growing opportunities”.

It has really helped me to see that discomfort often brings with it a chance for me to stretch, grow, and learn. It’s helped breed compassion in me. It’s helped me understand my fellow human a little better. Overall, I can see that it’s made me a better wife, mother, friend… and believer. Now, that doesn’t necessarily make the difficult times any less painful… but it does give those seasons redeeming value! So… call me crazy, but instead of running from them, perhaps we should start calling them “growing opportunities” and embrace them!

There you have it. A little discomfort is necessary; even beneficial.  It may not be the gold nugget you were hoping for, but I do hope it helps frame your next journey through the valley of discomfort with a ray of hope.

 

Until Next Time,

 

 

 

Lessons From A Peace Lily

Posted on by mrsmonarch

Hello my friends!

I’d like to introduce you to Polly—- She’s my peace lily. She is currently living in our guest house, comfortably positioned in front of a 1930’s window, overlooking the porch. She absolutely LOVES it here and her shiny, deep green leaves and new growth are testimony to that.

She’s always been such an “easy keeper”; able to live in low light conditions without much of a fuss. All she required was a cup of water a couple of times a week and a few minutes of my time each month where I would wipe the dust from her luscious leaves and cut away any old, withering growth. On occasion, she would thank me with the most unique white blooms that would jettison out of her foliage.

But last summer, we sold our house and made a radical move. I left her with one of my grown children—-just until we got settled in. I promised I would be back for her then. 

The days turned to weeks, and the weeks turned into a few months. It’s not uncommon for life to happen like that. But for Polly, the time was unbearable. She had not just lost her favorite spot on our bathroom counter… she had lost the steady dependability of someone noticing the “little things” in her behavior. My daughter meant well, but she was taking a full college load of classes and holding down a full time job, so she didn’t have time to notice that Polly’s leaves were drooping and turning yellow.

By the time I settled in and came back for my plants, Polly was almost unrecognizable. Most of her foliage was brown and crusty, and what wasn’t dead was certainly in need of life support. I brought her to the new place and immediately cut away all the dead and dying leaves. There was more cut away than I was able to leave. Then I watered her and watched with deep sadness as every drop was swallowed up by the desperately thirsty soil. I really don’t know how long it had been since she had received a good soaking that had quenched her roots.

I took a step back and looked at her. She kind of looked like a shy six year old who had given herself a hair cut. It was bad. I mean…. really, really, really bad. She looked pitiful. Almost un-salvageable. I really wasn’t completely sure I could save her. But… I was certainly willing to try.

I found her a special place, on a tiny dresser, parked between two stately Queen Anne chairs in the living room of our guest house. She had a window view that overlooked the porch and back yard. I watched her intently, and at the first indication of her leaves drooping, I would water her generously. I even went so far as to take the strands of hair from my hair brush and gently tuck them in to the soil around her roots. (This might sound gross but it adds nutrients to the soil.) I rotated her pot occasionally so that each of her leaves received the benefit of sunlight.

I waited. And waited. And…. I waited some more. You see, trauma care is like that. It requires “patient enduring”. It requires an understanding of what she needs to be healthy. In Polly’s case, it was just frequent and adequate watering, and a comfy indoor spot where she could get a little bit of sunlight. She just needed me to offer faithful, tender care —even when it appeared that nothing was happening.

It took several months, but Polly has recuperated and is almost back to her old self. I’m confident that it won’t be long before she is once again vibrant enough to send up shooting blooms of gratitude. I’m eagerly— but patiently— awaiting that day.

You know, plants aren’t so different from humans. We need an environment where we can thrive, too. What that environment looks like is going to be a bit different for each of us, but we each need food, water, sunlight. We each need kindness and a little TLC every now and then.

When the balance in our life is “off”, it shows. Our health declines. Our emotional state suffers. Even our most valued relationships can be victimized by how well— or how poorly— we prioritize our time and energy.

If you can see the correlation between yourself and Polly… I want to assure you that Polly is doing well. I also want to encourage you with the reality that you can reach a place where you are healthy and thriving, too! Yes, it takes making some changes. Like in Polly’s case, I had to take the scissors and literally cut away all the dead and dying leaves that were sucking her energy. I had to remove her from an environment where her needs were going unnoticed… and plant her in a place where the things she required for optimal health were offered.

I can’t say what your specific needs are. But I bet you already know what isn’t quite “right”. Like Polly, it might require that you “cut away” some dead weight from your life. If that sentence causes you stress— don’t turn away. Let’s explore a few practical things that you might try.

Maybe your environment is too cluttered? If we’re each honest with ourselves, we probably don’t need MORE space; we most likely just need to purge from the excess we already own. We can usually do a better job of choosing the “best stuff” from all the “good stuff” we surround ourselves with.

I do this by asking myself what I would save if there were a fire. Seriously! If your house were on fire and family and pets were safe, what would be the first things you would try to get out of your home? What ever those things are? Built your decor around them. Be purposeful in your selections. Make your home a place that is filled with things you love; not just a sleeping and eating space that is cluttered with stuff!

Dig out treasured things that make you smile and display them in unique ways. Maybe that means making a shadow box with some of your children’s old toys, shoes or pictures? Maybe it’s using grandma’s quilt as a throw over the couch? Maybe it’s putting cherished photographs under glass on your coffee table. Get creative! But choose things that make your insides happy!

You might need to brighten up your space. It doesn’t cost a lot to clean and paint, yet the results can be SO refreshing! And personally, I believe a few plants always cheer a place up! If you don’t really have a green thumb, you can choose from easy to care for plants that require very little but give an awful lot. New gauze curtains are an easy way to brighten up a room, and throw pillows are a great way to add color and style without breaking the budget.

Maybe your home is in order, but your body is not?! Polly wouldn’t have regained her health with out the proper amounts of light and water—-and neither can we! Get out! Get active. It doesn’t require a gym membership. Start slowly with a walk down the road after dinner. Take your shoes off and let your toes play in the grass. Go ahead and Laugh! But if you take a few minutes to try it, you might just be surprised at how refreshed it makes you feel.

Be purposeful about what goes into your body, too. Make it a point to eat more fruit and veggies and to ditch the junk food. We all know this … we just get busy… and lazy… and try to pretend it doesn’t make that much difference. But it does! Polly would have died if I had substituted wine for water and TV time for sunshine! Please don’t get offended. Just ponder it a bit and see if any of this rings true in your life. If it does… let it motivate you!

Let me leave you with this: Environment matters. We can kid ourselves all we want. We can keep pushing ourselves until we drop. We can keep making excuses. We can keep living in denial. But it’s the truth. If we want to thrive—- we have to take a serious look at our environment and be willing to make some changes. In the end, it has worked for Polly. It is working for ME, and I’m willing to bet that it will work for you, too.

Until Next Time,