So much of life is about perspective, don’t you think?
I was reminded of that just recently. I was playing on a soccer field with my grand kids. Nothing too formal. We were just kicking the ball around and having fun.
The day was sunny but cool. You could tell fall was just around the corner. As I looked out across the expansive field, I could see a man on a zero turn mower off in the distance, zooming back and forth, cutting the grass for what would most certainly be the last time of the season.
I couldn’t help but shake my head sarcastically. What a waste of city funding. Anybody could tell the grass wasn’t in need of cutting. After all, it was already browning and patchy in spots. All he was going to do was stir up a dirt cloud! ‘What an absolute waste of time and tax-payer money,’ I thought to myself.
(Admit it. That’s about as dying & brown as it gets. Right??!)
Then I heard it— the excited squeal of one of my sweet grandchildren.
“MiMi! Come look! They’re so pretty!”
“Pretty?” I thought to myself. “How on earth is dying, brown grass pretty?”
Of course, I didn’t SAY that out loud or anything. I did what any good grandmother would do. I allowed my excited little grandson to grab me by the finger and lead me — not so gently— towards a section of grass about twenty feet from where I’d been standing.
“Look MiMi! Look! They’re so pretty!” he exclaimed.
Suspiciously, I looked down. More dying, brown grass.
“No MiMi! You can’t see them from up there! You have to be down HERE!” he chided.
Now friends … I’m 5’6” so my vantage point wasn’t terribly far from his! What on earth was he seeing that was so spectacular that I couldn’t see from such a limited distance away? I let out a weary sigh but conceded. He pulled me to the ground and pointed.
There… amongst the dying brown grass was… the most beautiful collection of tiny white flowers! This is literally the same picture from earlier. I simply expanded it. These beauties were there all along!!
Each was shaped like a four-sided star, and… upon closer observation, each tiny petal was lined with rows of soft hairs. White stamens protruded from their centers. There weren’t two or three… or even ten of these little beauties. There were dozens! Each tucked down between blades of dying, brown grass— on a soccer field that was trampled by gaggles of cleat-wearing children multiple times a week!
I have no idea how these fragile looking little blossoms survived in such an unwelcoming environment. But the sight of them brought a smile to my face. As I ran my fingers through my grandson’s sweaty hair, I was prompted to offer a moment of silent gratitude. Had he not persuaded me to stop and change my vantage point, I would have missed the wonder of the moment right in front of me!
Life can become like that so easily if we allow it! We get busy; tired; perhaps even a little lazy. We grow old— not in body but in mind. We often lose our child-like wonder and our appreciation for the “little things” is pummeled to death by invaders like “schedules”, “responsibility” and the “pressures of life”.
I struggle with those things, too— but on this particular day, I was reminded that surrendering to them is a choice! We can just as easily CHOOSE to nurture that child-like appreciation for the “little things”. It starts with where we allow our mind to go and ends somewhere on the self of priorities.
We aren’t victims of our busy schedules. More accurately, we are merely the result of what we focus on! No wonder so many of us are sick, depressed, anxiety-ridden and lacking the energy to get through our day. If our mind is fed a diet of negativity and our bodies are depleted of real food, physical movement, quality down time and good sleep, what other results should we expect???
We all know these things, so I’m just “preaching to the choir” here. I know these concepts and yet— continually lose sight of them, so I thought maybe I’m not the only one who needs reminding? So friends, here’s a simple piece of counsel. Stop and smell those flowers (literally AND figuratively!) Make conscious, intentional choices to eat better, to get some sunlight; go for a walk; make time to laugh and refresh yourself —daily.
It takes effort. It requires commitment. It will be an investment of your time as well. But I am a firm believer that we each make time for what we believe is important. Be determined to see past the dying, brown grass to find the tiny little flowers of life. I promise you’ll be grateful you adjusted your vantage point!
It’s been a long time— and I hate that. But “life” really got in the way of my personal goals this year. That seems to happen to me a lot— but this time, I found myself neck-deep in a commitment that literally sucked the life from me and there was simply nothing left to offer anyone or anything else. The BuiltToBeAButterfly site was one of MANY casualties. In fact, I came very close to not renewing the website last December. If it had not been for the selfless contribution of a dear friend, the BuiltToBeAButterfly site would have died. (Thank you, Gloria, for being faithful to what our Creator placed on your heart!)
Part of me feels this excruciatingly painful “need” to apologize to you guys for my “failure to produce”. But— the part of me that has been wrung through the wringer this year has finally had enough of my self-condemnation! THAT part of me has stood up, stomped her feet and declared, “It’s a FREE website! There’s no access fee. You offer what you can, free of charge, as you are able! People can’t get angry that you’re not dishing out enough free content!” (Oh, but they CAN— as some of the emails I’ve received prove. But that’s another story! haha!)
Let me just stop here and say— It’s been a tough year. Thank you for giving me Grace and sticking around. Now without further rambling, let me get on with today’s feature! It’s a radically different spin on an age-old bible story. Perhaps it will make ya’ think a bit. It certainly did me!
I’m going to title this one: Elijah and the Ravens
As some of you know, I spent a lot of time working in Wyoming this past year. The week before I headed back home, I finally got to visit Yellowstone National Park. It was only a quick day trip and with so much awe inspiring beauty hitting me at once, there’s probably a lot that I missed. But what I didn’t miss were the RAVENS.
As we drove through the park on the way to Old Faithful Inn, we were caught in construction traffic. Normally, that kind of thing just drives me batty! But this time, something unusual caught my eye. This enormous, shiny, blue-black bird, with an impressive black beak and piercing eyes landed on the road just feet from our car! Now I’ve seen blackbirds, and I’ve seen some pretty big crows in my day… but I had never seen any thing quite like this! This fella stood every bit of two feet tall and made it a point to strut back and forth next to the car, tilting his head and looking at me the whole time. I was mesmerized. So this was the bird who talked in Edger Allen Poe’s famous poem, huh? Hmmm….. This guy looked like he might have had a lot to say!
By the time we got to the Inn, I had forgotten about the bird. We hustled to see Old Faithful, which was expected to blow soon. Rushing down the path, I heard a strange noise. I looked up and there— high above me on the branch of a large fir tree— was… yes… another gigantic raven, peering down at me. I stopped in my tracks and made eye contact with him. He was a commanding sort of presence; hard to ignore— even when rushing to watch Old Faithful.
At the lodge, there was another, and as we made our way back to the car, there was a fourth! All were impressive; HUGE, shimmering, magnificent creatures, unlike anything I had seen before. We saw lots of beautiful sights that day, but nothing impressed me quite like those Ravens.
Fast forward another week. We are making the (very long) drive back home and those ravens kept coming to my mind. You guys aren’t going to believe what happened next. I mean—seriously— I barely do! I am literally in a daze, thinking back on the impressive stature of those birds when… I look up and see we are driving right past this giant statue of a bird. And not just any old bird—- a RAVEN!
I insisted my husband turn around. I had to get a better look! You can tell how tall it is by the flag pole behind it. I was absolutely fascinated. What kind of town erects a statue of a giant raven? The town of Ravenden, Arkansas, of course! It’s a tiny spot on the map with probably not more than 500 people.
Now, in modern days, Ravens have gotten a pretty bad rap. They are presented as dark, foreboding creatures, some times associated with witches and evil. But that wasn’t always the case— and the founding fathers of the town of Ravenden obviously understood that! They knew that ravens were intelligent creatures which were used to do a good deed in Scripture!
They didn’t just erect a huge statue of a raven, either. They added a large marble inscription at its base which quotes 1 Kings 17. That is the amazing story of where God used ravens to feed the prophet Elijah during a time in his life when he was exhausted and greatly discouraged.
Now friends, that really got me thinking! Yes, it’s fascinating to think that Yahweh Almighty used birds to feed someone during their time of need. But… Where did the meat and the bread come from? Think about that for a minute.
I love making homemade bread! But it’s work! Even now, when I can run to the corner grocery store and buy flour and yeast, it’s a day-long process! Think about how much more cumbersome it was to make bread some four thousand years ago! This is important— please hear me out. I want you to walk through this process with me! First, they had to clear the field, to plant the wheat. Imagine— you’re out in the baking hot sun, tilling the hard, rocky ground with the help of your old mule. Then, after months of waiting, you would have to cut the wheat by hand with one of those ancient scythes; and bundle it. Imagine what THAT would do to your manicure! You would have to thrash the stalks to separate the wheat from the shaft. All this, and you still don’t have flour yet! You must find a large, smooth river rock to pound the wheat berries into powder. Oh yes— let’s not forget that while your bread is rising, you have to go cut your own kenneling for the fire!
Are you starting to get the picture yet? Making bread during the time of Elijah was no simple task!! Can you imagine the pride a housewife of that era would feel when she finally pulled a loaf of golden brown bread from her clay oven? She would have to feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment!
So— how do you think she would feel to look up at the window sill and see some giant raven make off with her loaf of bread? Ponder that!
Now here’s something else to add to the scenario— it wasn’t just ONE bird—it was ravens—PLURAL. And they didn’t just bring Elijah bread once!! 1 Kings 17:6 states that these birds brought bread and meat— twice a day! Yep!! The birds are out “collecting” goodies to sustain God’s prophet. And they did it morning and evening for what appears to be an extended period of time.
If you grew up attending a Christian church, you’ve probably heard this story many times. But I’ve never once heard a pastor ponder where those ravens got the bread. What did the poor, hard working mother feel like when she toiled so long and hard to provide for her family, only to have some bird make off with the fruits of her labor? I can’t help but feel sorry for this person. She would have had no way of knowing that these birds were using her efforts to feed a prophet of the Most High! All she knows is that her bread is gone and all of her hard work was for naught! She had to be soooo frustrated! Angry— maybe even at God! After all, why would He allow such a thing, knowing how hard she has worked?
So, what’s my point? Here’s where I’m going with all this: Some times God uses us— our money, our resources, our talents, our strengths, our hard work—-in ways that He doesn’t always make crystal clear. We may feel used up, taken advantage of, cast aside, or spent. We may spend a lot of energy whining and complaining about how a situation was unfair or pointless. But my friends— God NEVER allows a “pointless” situation to cross a believer’s path!
He doesn’t always give us the details of what He’s doing. He doesn’t always sit down and explain or ask our permission. But He truly does make all things work together in a way that brings blessing and benefit to His people.; even when we don’t fully understand His methods. You just never know. Maybe—like the bread bakers in Elijah’s day— He’s using you in a way that will alter eternity for someone and He just hasn’t revealed all the details to you yet! The thought has been helpful to me as I’ve walked through a challenging season and I pray that it encourages you as well.
This is part two of a five part series entitled “Five Truths I’ve Finally Learned”. If you find this a worthy read, please help me spread the word by sharing it with your friends & family.
If you missed the first post and would like to start there, here’s your link:
Hello again my friends!
Most of us have quirky little “pet phrases” we use in our daily life. Those of you who know me well know one of mine is “growing opportunity”. I use it like this: “Ah yes, it seems I’ve, once again, stumbled onto a growing opportunity!” Then I’ll laugh, shrug my shoulders and flash a half-hearted smile.
I’m not completely sure what that phrase conveys to you… but in total transparency, what I mean when I say that is: “Wow. This is way outside my comfort zone and… it’s probably gonna’ hurt like HADES!”
It’s funny how different something appears when a person pulls back the curtain and shows you their ugly truth isn’t it??! Yet my truth is… I use the phrase. A LOT. And I probably FEEL it even more often than I allow myself to SAY it.
Yes! I am a person who has experienced a LOT of “growing opportunities” in my life time! Some of them are the results of my own mistakes and sins; others are just because I am human, living in a less than perfect world.
While there are multitude of reasons we experience these “growing opportunities”, there is one thing you can pretty much always count on: They are almost always painful— regardless of their cause.
I realize we live in a world were transparency isn’t encouraged. Occasionally, the words that I write might feel … “cringy”. Raw; a little too raw, perhaps. But I don’t see how the Father can be glorified with our spit-shined, squeaky-clean, false bravados. You see, if I present myself as having it all together, not only is that dishonest— but it also cheats my Creator out of the praise He should get for all of the things He has done in my life! After all, every good thing I am is merely a reflection of His Light shining through me! All the yucky stuff y’all don’t like?? Well… that’s the “real me”.
He isn’t glorified in our self-proclaimed perfection. In order for God to get the glory and praise He deserves, we have to be willing to come down off our high horse and get real with each other. That’s why I try to write with honesty— even when it’s personally embarrassing. I want y’all to see who He is and what He has done for me. So, in an attempt to do that, I’m going to divulge Number Four on my countdown of “The Five Things I’ve Finally Learned”. Are you ready? Here it goes!
“A LITTLE DISCOMFORT IS REQUIRED”.
HA!! Yes, I’m laughing. Sorry—not sorry. It’s just that I’m envisioning the look on your face as you read that! Hahahaha. It probably wasn’t the earth shattering revelation you expected, eh? My guess is, no— it was nothing like what you anticipated. Still… it’s a very real truth. And, it’s a truth it took me an embarrassingly long time to discover! Allow me to elaborate…
Let’s be honest. None of us like discomfort, least of all me! But when I step back and take an honest assessment of my life, I have to admit that some of my most valuable life lessons came during a season of significant discomfort. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering why that is. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
As painful as it is to accept—-Growth doesn’t happen when we’re cozy and comfortable. We don’t want to hear that, but deep down inside, we all know it’s true.
Though we all long for ease and comfort, the fruit produced by a comfortable lifestyle doesn’t make us stronger. In fact, comfort tends to make us lazy… and weak! It makes us physically and spiritually complacent. If that’s the case, it’s worth investigating whether or not a lack of comfort could have the opposite effect.
Okay. Maybe I’m the only one, but I have found that it is during those dark, scary, lonely, overwhelmed times when I am suddenly— and painfully— reminded how weak, frail and vulnerable I really am! It is during these times when I have to admit that I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the courage, I don‘t have the strength, the faith or the knowledge to solve my problem. That’s right. It’s during the tough times that I have been humbled.
The plot twist in that is— it is in this place of humbled humanity, where I am reunited with my Creator. That’s hard to admit, because I’d much rather say that I’m strong and faithful ALL the time! But unfortunately, that hasn’t always been the case. It is discomfort which is often the driving force for renewing my prayer life. It’s the catalyst which gets me back into His Word.
As embarrassing as that can be to admit, I think it’s really important to share. I don’t know what life is like for you at the moment. I don’t know the specifics of your trials and heartaches, but I do know that we each encounter challenging times every now and then. I don’t think it’s necessary for us to like difficult times… but I do believe it’s valuable for us to see them as “growing opportunities”.
It has really helped me to see that discomfort often brings with it a chance for me to stretch, grow, and learn. It’s helped breed compassion in me. It’s helped me understand my fellow human a little better. Overall, I can see that it’s made me a better wife, mother, friend… and believer. Now, that doesn’t necessarily make the difficult times any less painful… but it does give those seasons redeeming value! So… call me crazy, but instead of running from them, perhaps we should start calling them “growing opportunities” and embrace them!
There you have it. A little discomfort is necessary; even beneficial. It may not be the gold nugget you were hoping for, but I do hope it helps frame your next journey through the valley of discomfort with a ray of hope.
This is part one of a five part series entitled “Five Truths I’ve Finally Learned”.
If you find this a worthy read, please help me spread the word, by sharing it with your friends and family.
Dear friends,
I want you to spend a few minutes pondering sounds that make you happy. What comes to mind? The ocean waves as they lap against a sandy beach? The clinking of wind chimes as they react to a gentle breeze? The cheery chirping of migrant birds, at your feeder announcing the arrival of spring? I love those sounds, too! But for me, there is one sound that beats all of those, hands down.
It’s the laughter of little children. It’s one of my most favorite sounds on Earth! I love the unbridled joy that radiates from their little faces. It’s sweet. Simple. Unencumbered by the heaviness that life often dumps in our laps as adults. Little children live in a realm of immediacy. Immediate Joy. Immediate sadness. They have not yet learned to hold back the tide of emotion that knocks us older folks down like waves at the sea shore. Little children aren’t embarrassed if they “snort” when they laugh. They don’t worry about who is making fun of them. They just LAUGH, unashamed and void of the social expectations that fence us in like a rusty barbed-wire cage.
How long has it been since you’ve allowed a child-like laugh to form deep inside your belly and escape your pursed lips? How many years have you strived to “keep it all together” for reputation’s sake, fearing that the “real you” wouldn’t find acceptance in the world you’ve created? How many years have you dressed the part you were expected to play, without regard to what it did to your soul?
Whatever your answer, the truth is… it’s been too long! That brings me to truth #5 on the count down of things I have finally learned:
5. You don’t get to determine my value! And nobody gets to determine yours either!
That’s right. The way I laugh or dress… whether or not I choose to wear make-up or jewelry… If I adorn my body with tattoos or piercings… or wear flour-sack dresses that hang loosely from my shoulders and drag the ground— what’s it to you? I should not have to walk like you, talk like you, dress like you or even think just like you to be valued and worthy of your love. Likewise, the choices you make don’t need to vie for my approval. They simply need to be an honest reflection of who you are.
An honest reflection. Did you catch that?? We must live a life that is honest— both with others, and ourselves!
My life, like yours, has been a series of moving from one season to another. As the circumstances in my life have ebbed and flowed, my hair style and wardrobe have changed right alongside my responsibilities and attitudes. I’ve been the teen in the “painted on” jeans, the conservative home-school mom in the blue jean jumper, and everything in between. But that whole time, I have always been “me”.
Well… except for those times when I was trying to earn the acceptance and approval of others! During those seasons, I remained a version of myself but never allowed myself to be fully—unapologetically— me. After all, being me, with all my flaws, was just too scary! What if someone discovered something about me that they didn’t like? They might… reject me! (Oh, the horror!)
Over the years, I developed this nifty little protective mechanism to thwart the pain of rejection. I rationalized that if I could just squeeze myself into the mold my desired group expected, they would “like” me and I could “belong”. All it took was… everything. All of the restraint, submission, swallowing-hard, and self denying I could muster. It always worked, at least for a while. Everyone loved me— except me!
It’s a pattern that started as a young child when I observed that “good little girls” behaved in a specific way and earned both love and approval, while those who went against social expectation were “bad little girls” unworthy of either. I learned quickly, and the lesson served me well growing up in the home I did. But the behavior patterns it produced made me extremely vulnerable to external manipulation. I was desperate to “people please” and terrified of disappointing those who “loved” me. It was almost as though I wore a blinking sign that told the world I would jump through hoops to gain its approval. This not only thwarted my personal growth as a young woman, it also made me an easy target for narcissistic personalities. Looking back, I can see that many of those unhealthy patterns lingered long enough to cause problems for my children as well.
Maybe I’m the only one out here who has allowed others to dictate what I should or should not look like; who I should… and should not be? But that’s unlikely. I believe it’s a pretty common pitfall for women in our society. It’s one of many lies we fall victim to. The lie tells us that if our husband loves us, we have value. If our children turn out “well”, we are good mothers. If lots of people like us, we must be a “good” person. If our house looks like a magazine cover, then we are great home-makers. If our social media presence has lots of followers, we are “successful”. Blah, blah, blah…
But here’s the truth: Our value does not come from the friends we keep. Our marriage status is not a reflection of our worthiness. How our children turn out has as much to do with their personal choices as it does our parenting skills. And social media? Ha! Social media is such a fickle source of affirmation. It’s a joke to think our value can be determined by the number of “likes” we get on a post.
My friend, when our value comes from these places, it can LEAVE with these places! The woman whose marriage fails must be a failure. The woman whose circle of friends excludes her is suddenly worthless. The mom whose children are struggling obviously did something “wrong” and all the sacrifices she made over the years were for naught. A messy house can’t provide comfortable shelter or a satisfying meal.
Y’all know that’s not true!
The truth is— Our value comes from the Most High. He determined our worth long before our soul merged with our physical body. We are the daughters of the King of the Universe. That is the position we are born in to— and die in to. It’s the only thing that will never fail us! It isn’t dependent on who we are married to, who approves or disapproves of us, who wants to play with us or who hates our guts!
The Creator placed a label on us that declares us “IRREPLACEABLE. ONE OF A KIND. WORTHY OF SENDING HIS SON TO DIE ON OUR BEHALF. LOVED— FOREVER” — without regard to whether or not we “snort” when we laugh! No one in Heaven– OR Earth –can place a “sale tag” on what God Himself calls Priceless—UNLESS we, ourselves, hand them the Price Gun….
Girlfriend, I want you to remember that!
It’s taken me a life time to finally start applying this truth. Along the way, I’ve had to make a lot of changes, and even let some highly contemptuous people go. Though I still appreciate a kind word, I no longer live for other people’s praise— and I don’t die on the altar of their criticism either! The Almighty Creator sets my value now, and the price tag He’s placed on my forehead declares me “Unique. One of a Kind. Dearly Loved, Highly Valued, and Priceless Beyond Measure”. This chick won’t ever let herself be placed on the “clearance isle” again, and neither should you!
Please Tune in next time for part 4 in the countdown of Five Truths I’ve Finally Learned!
I was traveling through the Atlanta airport last week. I entered my plane, buckled myself in to the seat and slid the window shade up so I would be free to view the city from a fresh, new perspective. I took a deep breath. Take-off is my favorite part of flying. The views are always so incredible!
Well…. Except this time. 😐
This time, the plane took off and almost immediately entered a cloud bank. There was no incredible view. In fact, the clouds were so thick, I could barely see the tip of the wing. (That picture on the left was my actual view.)
It wasn’t anybody’s “fault”, it was simply a matter of circumstances; a conglomerate of scientific events I don’t understand, much less have the knowledge to explain. All I really knew was that my favorite part of the trip was being ruined– and there was nothing at all I could do about it.
I’ll just cut to the chase and be honest here. I was mumbling under my breath. 🤑 Instead of being thrilled about my journey… or grateful that we live in an era where modern instruments would still keep us safely in the air— I was throwing an internal tantrum of “cranky five-year-old” proportions. All I wanted was a good view!
Alas— just as I was finally making peace with the situation, the clouds cleared. The sky brightened, the sunlight glistened off the silver wing tip. The clouds which once obscured my view were suddenly white and puffy.
It was the same seat, on the same plane, in the same airspace — but the pilot had climbed to a higher altitude, and in the blink of an eye, the scene from my window changed. Suddenly, every thing was beautiful again!
A smile crossed my face. I know a lesson when I see it! 😊 The sun was ALWAYS there. It was just obscured for a short while. A change of altitude revealed what the gray sky had temporarily hidden from me.
Life can be like that, you know. Our way can seem clouded and uncertain; bleak and scary. Obscured by rough patches we can’t clearly see through. There are often “clouds” or even storms to contend with— but we can’t allow the scenery to intimidate us.The situations we find ourselves in can change quickly. Radically!
Some times our “altitude” changes. We push passed circumstances and grow— stretching our vantage point a bit. Other times, a strong wind may come up out of nowhere and push the fog away for us. (Thank you, Father!) But inevitably, the clouds in our life will eventually part. The sun will shine and the view will change. It’s part of the ebb and flow of being alive. It’s funny that it took 15 minutes in the clouds to remind me of that!
If you are young, thin, and beautiful… fully confident that the world is your oyster longing to make you a necklace of priceless pearls… If your marriage is on solid ground and your kiddos are all walking as they should… If you can climb out of bed without aches and pains and look in the mirror naked without wincing … If your kitchens counters are bare and tidy, and all your laundry is folded and put away… If you can go to the grocery store without having to wait until pay day and you pay your electric bill before the cut off date…
This post isn’t for you.
But if those conditions don’t apply in your life, pour yourself a cup of hot tea and keep reading. I’m here to tell you that God sees you!! He hears you!! EVERY tear you have cried, every moan that has welled up inside your weary soul… He knows it all.
Take a deep breath and look around your house with a critical eye. Many of us are behind on a lot of projects. It takes every ounce of our energy to accomplish even the most necessary of chores. There’s dirty laundry piled up in the floor, dishes to be washed and put away, sticky fingerprints left behind by wandering little ones to wipe down. There might be dust on the furniture that’s thick enough to write a message in. 😉
If that’s you— God wants you to sit down for a moment and take a few deep breaths. He knows this motherhood thing is challenging. And… tho it is wonderful to have a clean house and to feel like you’re on top of your to-do list, He wants you to know that—in the long term scheme of things— dusting won’t really matter. Your family won’t be better adjusted or feel more loved if your house is dust free. It doesn’t work like that.
He wants you to do what you must to meet the needs of your family. Focus on quality food and quality time. Read and Live His Word to your children. Strive to make your home a place where your family feels safe, peaceful and loved. All the other things we tend to stress over really won’t be as life-changing as that. Now, take another look around your house. Each family has a different love language. What can you do in the next 30 minutes that will say “I love you” to your family? Do THAT thing. Make that your priority for today.
Your marriage? My sweet friend, whether your husband leaves or stays, Yahweh wants to be the top priority in your life. He wants you to know that in the darkness, as you curl up alone on your side of the bed and clutch your pillow in utter despair… He longs to be your husband.
God is not built of human flesh. He will not succumb to the pressures of life. His desire for you will never wax and wane. His love for you can never be undermined. He will never compare you to another and leave you feeling inadequate. He knows you were created to bring a unique beauty into this realm and you will forever be the apple of His eye. You are HIS— purchased at great cost. You are valuable beyond your wildest imagine. In fact, He utterly adores you!
Give yourself to Him completely. Fall into His loving arms and pour your heart out to Him. He has seen it all… and He understands. Allow Him to comfort you. He will lead you, guide you, protect you and provide for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. His loving Spirit will fill-in all the holes that life has punched in you and turn your shame to glory.
He also wants you to know that He loves your kiddos. Believe it or not, He loves them even more than you do! He knew their names before the creation of the universe, and He chose you to be their mother. Yes, you! With all your many faults and shortcomings— He still chose YOU. He didn’t choose you because He expected you to be perfect. He did it because He knew you were the perfect mother for the children He was building, even though you would occasionally fall short.
He took flesh and bone from your body, knitting it into your womb and then breathed life into the tiny being. You were granted the miracle of feeling the spark of life rustle inside you. Do you remember the day you first discovered you were pregnant? The excitement, mingled with a terrifying fear? You were scared you weren’t ready. You weren’t sure the timing was right (but is it ever really “right”??) Yet when the dust settled and your heartbeat stopped racing, the idea really took hold of you—-mind, body and spirit. You quickly grew to love this little being, long before you laid eyes on him. Yahweh knows that feeling well— because He experienced the same joy as He watched you grow in your own mother’s womb!
Motherhood is the highest calling He bestows, and yes— He knew in advance that there would be times when you would screw up. He knew it… and He chose you any way! Since the Creator of the Universe is confident you can do the job He’s given you…. then Momma, maybe you need to move past the doubt and into the quiet, humble conviction that, with His help, you really are qualified to do the job at hand.
God wants you to know that your children have a mighty purpose— and He is going to weave every event into something that will eventually bring benefit to them and glory to Himself— even the waywardness and mistakes that you are so grieved by right now. Ask for His forgiveness where you have messed up, and for His wisdom in the days ahead. Get on your knees and lift your family up in your prayers. They are fighting battles we can not even fathom!! They need their momma’s constant prayers!! ASK for Him to pour out His goodness upon your children; for Him to meet their needs, heal their wounds and pave the way for them to find their way back to Him! He is eager to pour out blessings upon those who search for Him with their whole heart. (And nothing will make a person search for Him like the desperation they feel over a wayward child! Am I right?!)
Don’t be discouraged! Instead, Use this season to your advantage! Allow it to re-ignite the relationship you have with the Creator! Pour your wounded momma’s heart out to Him and let Him put the shattered pieces back in a way that brings beauty and sense out of the brokenness.
For those with financial issues: It is a heavy responsibility to carry the physical needs of your family on your own human shoulders. God wants you to know that He understands the weight you carry. He wants you to know that He understands you have needs, and that He can make a way where there seems to be no way. He wants you to search your heart and ask Him for what you truly need. He wants you to trust that He can (and will!) provide. And He wants you to prove it through offering Him a portion of your First Fruits.
It will be one of the hardest lessons in trust that you will ever face! But your tithe will be like seeds planted in the garden. You will reap what you sow. If you don’t have money right now? Tithe your TIME. It is a valuable resource to the Kingdom of Heaven! But don’t cheat God and then expect for Him to pour abundantly into your life. It just doesn’t work like that. The sowing and reaping analogy is miraculous. Test it for yourself and see.
God wants me to mention that there are some of us who are living with frail and failing bodies. We have been betrayed by the ravishes of time. The days of youth and good health are behind us. The future looks dim and disheartening. For those walking that path right now? He understands that we are only dust. He wants you to know that He cares. He wants to remind you that this body, which encases our spirit, is nothing more than an earth-suit, doomed to decay. The exercise, the rigid diets, the treatments, the supplements—- eventually, they will each fail to perform the miracles we demand. But He also wants you to know that won’t be your end! It will be your new beginning—the start of eternity in His presence!
The process is scary only because we can not fathom the love Yahweh has for us! Turn to Him and share your heart. He understands the fear, the pain, the questions. He’s just waiting for you to talk to Him. Ask Him for ministering angels; for peace and surety and a sound mind. He is waiting for your last breath to leave your earthly confines— where your eyes will finally be able to see the fullness that has previously been hidden from them. He’s been there all along, my friend. Even during those dark and lonely seasons. When your eyes are fully capable of seeing all that He has done for you, the fear will melt like snow in the spring and burst forth into a joy that surpasses all comprehension.
I don’t know who this message was for—specifically. But I do know I was prompted intently to write it. It’s His love letter to you. You are the daughter of the King of the Universe and He utterly adores you! Pull yourself up by the boot strings and wipe your eyes. As long as you’re still in your earth-suit, you have work to do! Get on your knees if you can— if not, just close your eyes and get to a quiet place where you and God can have a pow-wow. He wants to love on you. All you have to do is let Him in!
Do you know what this is? It’s mistletoe—that proverbial “cute little sprig” which is traditionally hung up in doorways as a decoration during the Christmas holiday season. Its job is to precariously hang there, looking innocent, waiting for some unsuspecting victim to be caught beneath it.
When that happens, tradition says the one found under it must grant a kiss to the one who first sees them standing under it. Sounds like an innocent enough way use tradition to one’s advantage. 😉
But before you get all caught up in idyllic visions of romantic kisses near a crackling fire, let me give you a gardener’s perspective of Mistletoe.
I’ll start off gently. Mistletoe is from the pit of Hell! LOL! I mean, clearly— it just has to be! Here in the “way South”, where I live, it’s literally everywhere. In the winter months, when deciduous trees lose their leaves, mistletoe is still there— swaying in the treetops as the wind blows through their branches. At first glance, it looks like little clumps of leaves, still intact, here and there, in spite of the fact that all the tree’s other leaves have fallen. It takes a discerning eye to recognize that it’s actually a life-sucking, parasitic invader!
It starts off as a thin, harmless looking vine, fully of dark green leaves. However, it isn’t long before the tendrils lasso nearby vegetation. It wraps itself around any and everything it touches, climbing higher and growing thicker, with every passing day. It doesn’t take long for that scrawny, harmless looking vine to become as thick as a human thumb. Oh… and I haven’t yet mentioned the THORNS! They cover nearly every square inch of a young plant’s stem.
As the vines thicken, the thorns space out a little bit but compensate by becoming piercing barbs, capable of penetrating even the toughest gardening gloves. I know this all too well, because just yesterday, I spent several hours cutting, tugging and pulling these noxious vines out of the tops of the lovely Crepe Myrtle trees scattered throughout my yard. My hands and arms suffered scratches in spite of the leather gloves and long-sleeve shirt that I wore. It’s a discouraging process because experience has taught me that within a few months, the vines will be back—thick and as full of barbs as ever!
So why do I bother? Well… I do it because I love my trees, and left unchecked, mistletoe will grow tall enough to completely cover them. Its tendrils will wrap so tightly around their trunks that it will eventually choke the trees to death! It’s a challenging, never-ending battle, but one I see as a worthy investment. With the vines finally pried loose from the trees, I gathered them up began the process of dragging them to the burn pile. That’s right. There was more hot, sweaty work still left to do. There is no way I want them in the compost bin where they will spawn babies! 😛
That is the moment the Master Gardener begin showing me the spiritual lesson He had in store for me. He impressed upon me that we too are like beautiful Crepe Myrtle trees and that there is a never-ending series of challenges, temptations and frustrations that are constantly trying to attach themselves to us. He used this analogy to remind me that personal growth is hard work! It requires diligent pruning and faithful commitment. He showed me that if we stand there and do nothing, the cares of this world will grow stronger, climb higher and eventually have us in a strangle-hold, struggling for survival, just like the trees in my garden.
I looked at the manly sized pruning shears I had been using. It occurred to me that the Creator has given us a spiritual instrument to “cut through” deception, depression, frustration, disappointment, anger, anxiety and all other sorts of strangleholds! It’s His Word— the Holy Scriptures. Just like my pruning shears cut through invasive mistletoe vines, freeing my trees, His Word cuts through lies, fear and hopelessness! It’s part of an entire “Wardrobe of Protection” that He has provided for those who love Him! The Bible says:
“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having the utility belt of truth buckled around your waist, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having fitted your feet with the preparation of the Good News of peace, 16 above all, taking up the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the evil one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word[a] of God; 18 with all prayer and requests, praying at all times in the Spirit, and being watchful to this end in all perseverance and requests for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:11-18, ~World English Bible translation)
Now, here’s the thing few people want to talk about. But friends— we NEED to be talking about it. Just because we are “believers”— mortal humans who have dedicated our lives to the Almighty God— Just because we love Him and have an arsenal of spiritual weapons at our disposal— it doesn’t mean we don’t occasionally let our guard down and get pricked by the barbs! That’s right! There are still times when we “wake up” out of a spiritual slump to find the “vines” of life have started to cover us! Without intervention, those things will strangle the life from us, and it can happen quickly!
Friends, no matter what the world tells you—there is no “one time fixes it forever” solution!! We must remain diligent gardeners, willing to quickly prune away and burn the weeds that try to entangle us. It takes work. And it’s hard. But living free from the strangleholds of this world is worth it! Here’s to living a “weed free” life!
A couple of months ago, an event occurred in my life that has had a ripple effect. It’s taken a while for me to process through the many layers of emotion it brought about. Much like an onion, I’ve had to peel away at it, layer by layer, shedding a few tears along the way. I think I am finally ready to share the experience with you, though I give you fair warning—it’s quite different than most of the cutesy, feel-good things I write.
I’ll spare you all the boring personal details of the “who, what, when and where” and get to the nitty gritty. I set off on a journey, with the intent of doing something nice for someone I am close to. But when I arrived at their home, I found myself in a very uncomfortable— and potentially dangerous— situation. There was a third-party there that evening; someone I have had negative encounters with many times before. Everything in me bristled. I wanted to leave—but my friend begged me to stay. She had planned for us to watch movies and share snacks. She’d really put herself out. Plus, it was her birthday and I hated to disappoint her. So, I fought back the pulsating waves of common sense and settled in for the night.
As the evening progressed, the situation I had been concerned about continued to disintegrate. Before the night was over, I found myself in a life-threatening situation that was completely unacceptable. You see, the “third party” in the home that night is an addict, who had seriously over medicated himself and become a raging lunatic. He was throwing things and cursing up a storm. Seething frustration welled up inside him and bubbled over. About that time, he tore his shirt off, threw it to the ground as if to challenge me. He began beating his chest like a giant, silver-back gorilla. All the while, he was screaming at me to shoot him!
If it sounds like an insane course of events— it was.
So by now, are you probably asking yourself why on earth I would walk into a situation like that? And if I hadn’t known in the beginning it would be like that, why I didn’t leave the moment things started to unravel?! Those are fair questions.
Well, my friends— not all things are clear and simple. We each have a filter we run our experiences through. A clean relationship filter gives us the ability to accurately assess a situation and quickly determine if it meets our relationship criteria. Oh… but a dirty processing filter is like driving a car with a filthy windshield. It blurs our vision, making it virtually impossible to safely navigate the roads of life!
And mine? Well… I have come to realize that my filter —the way I process human interaction—needed a serious cleaning! That’s the only sane explanation. People with healthy boundaries and clearly defined rules of engagement don’t allow themselves to be boxed in to interactions like that. It’s just that simple!
But I wasn’t ready to accept that a few months ago. I just kept pretending that if I tried a little harder, put myself out there a little more, kept pretending things weren’t as bad as they were… well… then eventually, the scene in front of me would change. Now that is the very definition of a dirty filter! I just didn’t want to see it that way…
You see, that raging lunatic— he’s my kid brother. And worse yet? The “friend” who begged me to stay— in spite of how insane the situation had become—she was none other than my elderly mother.
I know. I started off saying that the “who” didn’t matter, but the reality is— it matters. A LOT. Dear friends, you should never have to feel unsafe. EVER. Particularly not in the home of close friends and relatives. They should be your first line of defense; your “go-to” people when you have a need. So yes. The “who” matters. If I can’t face the ugly facts, what kind of a hypocrite would I be to expect more of you?! That’s why I’m bringing this story to light.
When I told my mom that I was uncomfortable staying in the house any longer, she offered a solution—“Go into the bedroom and lock the door. He won’t bother you there!” I was so dumb-founded by her response that I stood there with my mouth wide open but no words would come out. Why on earth would I stay over night in a house that required me to sleep behind locked doors?? My mother grew up in an abusive home. She knows better than to encourage behavior like that.
I remember looking over at my dad, who was standing two feet away from me while this barbaric scene unfolded. He had always been the voice of reason in an otherwise dysfunctional house. I expected him to say something— DO something. But he just stood there, looking down the steps at my brother with the strangest look on his face. I’m not sure what mixture of emotions he was feeling. He didn’t seem consumed with fear. Perhaps, looking back as a parent myself— it was sadness. Despair. Defeat. Hopelessness.
I don’t know because we don’t talk about those kinds of things in my “family of origin”. As a side note here, I want to say that I really like that term, “family of origin”. A psychologist friend of mine gave me that one! I like it because it helps me distinguish between the family I came from (and had no choice in) and the family that I have built and created for myself, as an adult. There is a huge difference— and I make the distinction every chance I get!
I was faced with a really difficult situation that night. It was one I didn’t want and one I did not bring on myself. Yet it forced me to make a choice. I had to ask myself if I was going to deny reality and pretend there was nothing wrong, or… if I was going to take a stand against the insanity that has hoovered over my family of origin for decades.
I took a deep breath. Whatever choice I made, I knew it would be “expensive”. You see, we have an unspoken rule in my family of origin. We don’t speak about dirty things like addiction, especially not when it comes to my brother’s ‘problem’. Breaking the rule makes him “feel bad” and has serious consequences. On the other hand, getting into a physical brawl with my brother, who out weighs me by fifty pounds, probably wouldn’t end well either! What’s a girl to do???
My wild-eyed brother was blocking the front door, still screaming and beating his chest. I had to threaten to call the sheriff before he wised up and cleared my path. It was a call that I was absolutely prepared to make. Thankfully, even as stoned as he was, I guess he could see that. He snarled, bent over to retrieve his shirt and stormed off to another room.
I begged my parents to leave with me, but they refused. They said they couldn’t /wouldn’t leave him like that. If all that wasn’t bad enough, my mother turned on me that night, and screamed nasty things at me for daring to take action against my own brother. I knew the rules! How dare I threaten my brother with consequences for his behavior! I was a guest in her home!! I “had no right to call the sheriff,” she screamed. Didn’t I know that would get him in trouble?! My dad? He stood stoically silent through the entire ordeal. He never said a word. Not one word. To me, that was the worst part of all of it.
Whew! O…….kay now. Where do I go from here??! I’m known the world over as “the Butterfly lady”… the lady who always tries her best to strengthen, encourage, and inspire others through her simple, light hearted analogies. So really— where do I go from here??! This is anything but light hearted!!
Well my friends— this one has been really close to home and painful to write about. But I believe with my whole heart that any experience can birth something useful. My painful life experiences are not exempt from that truth. So, here’s where I’m taking this…
I want to talk to you about Choices. The situation I was in left me with a choice to make. My brother made a choice. My mom made a choice. My dad made a choice. We each made choices that evening. Mine ended with me rushing down the stairs and out the front door as fast as my legs could carry me. I haven’t been back since. My mother has chosen to continue to pretend there isn’t a problem. My father has chosen to remain silent. My brother? He’s chosen to continue to blame everyone but himself for his current life circumstances.
I don’t like the choices they made. I don’t think they were right, or fair, or justified. I don’t even think they were logical or sane! But the only choice I have control over is the one I made. Me. My choice. And I stood firmly and made my choice! My brother wasn’t going to bully me out of my choice. My mother wasn’t going to manipulate me out of my choice. And my father? Even amid grievous disappointment, I was not going to allow his silence to invalidate my value as a daughter or human being. Nor was I going to allow his silence to void my right to feel protected. And I absolutely was not going to allow his silence to quelch my choice.
Friends— I have a saying. It’s kind of crass considering I’m a “conservative, Christian, home-school mom”. (Geeze! I hate boxes SO much!) But the saying—however crass you feel it is— is still entirely true. Ready? Here goes: “So much of the time, people think we have a choice between ‘Good’ and ‘Sucks’. But that’s not always the case. Some times, we simply have to choose between Sucks and Sucks WORSE!” 😛 Was that crass? Probably. It’s also true! 🙂
And that was the case in this situation. I didn’t get to choose between “good”, “better”, “best”. I got to choose between “sucks” and “sucks worse”! 🙁 But at least I was finally brave enough to make a choice!
My choice didn’t change my brother. My choice didn’t wake my parents up. Their world is still every bit as dysfunctional as it was the night this happened. But my choice DID change ME! It kept me safe. It was a step towards establishing healthier boundaries in my relationships. It drew a line in the sand and clearly delineated what I would—and would not— accept.
And guess what? My world hasn’t fallen apart the way I have always feared it would if I broke the “rules”. In fact, there is a peace that has settled over me that I have never had before. Almost like a spell was broken.
Friends, it wasn’t easy—- but I am pleading with any of you who are in the middle of a chaotic, unhealthy relationship— even if that relationship is with a parent, a spouse, a child or your oldest, dearest friend— consider making a choice and getting free! If you need help finding resources to do that, please reach out to me via email. Remember—change always starts with a choice! And the choice is YOURS.
Ah… This is where it all began: “Just” a home-school mom with a limited budget, who wanted a fun science project that would excite her children. Humble beginnings, huh??! (I’ve come to realize most really awesome things start like that.) 🙂
The tiny eggs hatched into hungry caterpillars. Within a few weeks, the little fellas had grown from minuscule to as thick as a man’s thumb. And then? When my children and I awoke one morning, our little caterpillars were gone and all we saw were five chrysalis, dangling from the top of our butterfly cage.
Over the next few weeks, we observed those motionless little pods, with hopeful assurance that in due time, they would each emerge as the beautiful butterflies— just as the science magazine they had been ordered from had promised.
It’s hard to believe that blog post was first published over five YEARS ago! I want to ask “Where did the time go??!” But then, doesn’t that make me sound… old??!! LOL.
Time has marched forward with what feels like break-neck speed. It seems like I blinked… and everything has changed! Whew! The fact is… the five wonderfully curious little children I wrote about in the post linked above are all grown up now. Two are military men; both who have been serving in places outside the U.S., under circumstances which have pained my mother’s heart. My daughters have finished college and married.
My “nest” is empty now and my time is more my own. In my last post, I explained that I have been praying about where my time and energy should be spent now— particularly in regards to the BuiltToBeAButterfly website and ministry. I also shared with y’all then that I was working on a manuscript and that I would be taking a little time off from writing here while I was working on the project.
Well…. the manuscript is finally finished and it is currently in the proof and editing phases! I’ll let you know more as the details become clear.
I’m still uncertain about what the future holds for this website. Its creation was a huge leap of faith for me—-a real s-t-r-e-t-c-h for me and my (very) limited technical skills! It has also been a real time consumer— mostly because I have had to learn as I go (and I’m a very slow learner!) haha! And then there is the expense of maintaining a website and all that involves. I probably would have given up long ago, but so many of you have been kind enough to say that it’s blessed you over the years. It has made it hard to consider letting it go by the way side.
So for now? I’m still considering this a “Pause”; the proverbial semicolon that will be a place holder until I hear clearly what direction to take. Until then, I will still be popping in here occasionally to keep in touch. I would absolutely appreciate your prayers in the next few months as I explore this next season of writing and investigate which doors of opportunity I should walk through (and which ones I should let slam shut! LOL) 😉
As always, I will keep you guys posted! I appreciate you so very much!
For those of us in the northern hemisphere, today marks the first day of the sun’s return to us! Starting today, each day will become a little bit lighter… and stay brighter just a little longer! With each lengthening day, the hope of spring—- and the renewal it brings— draws closer. I’ve got to admit— that’s music to my ears!!!
I have chosen today to send my last communication of the year. Before I take a much needed little winter break, I wanted to reach out to you and let you know how deeply grateful I am for YOU.
I am grateful that you have opened your hearts up to me and allowed me to share snippets of my life with you over these last five years. I hope you have been blessed by the BuiltToBeAButterfly website and I pray you have found the words I’ve shared here to be honest, inspiring and thought provoking.
The creation of a website and the maintaining of a blog were certainly wayoutside of my skill set and comfort zone! But I believed the world NEEDED encouragement, so I “put my big girl panties on” and muddled through it. It took a while to work out the technical kinks but eventually, www.BuiltToBeButterfly.com was born.
(Okay… Okay. So the kinks never really have gotten COMPLETELY worked out…. LOL…. But you always knew you could come here to the website and scroll through the posts, even when the email program out witted me) 😉
It’s certainly been a roller coaster ride of successes and failures. In some ways, it’s become way more successful than I ever dreamed. In other ways, it’s left me confused and a little disappointed. But God has blessed me through it all and has allowed me to see that I’ve blessed others as well. That is a reward I can’t put a price tag on.
That said, for the last several months, I have been praying for direction on where to take this ministry. The world we live in has definitely changed in the last couple of years. It seems most people are too busy, too overwhelmed or just too dang tired at the end of their day to sit and read. So, I’m looking at moving away from blogging.
I’m not sure what that will mean for the future of the BuiltToBeAButterfly website…
I have committed to renewing the domain for the 2022 calendar year and will continue to pay for web hosting through 2022. I will still publish posts here occasionally, but will be investing most of my time and energy into completing other writing projects that I have been working on.
In due season, you may hear more about those. 😉
While you’re waiting—– I hope you stay BRAVE!! That you promise to keep GROWING. That you give yourself the freedom to leave your cocoon and CHANGE what needs to be changed—-and that you NEVER– EVER– STOP striving to become a stronger, more beautiful version of yourself!
Here’s to all you beautiful butterflies in the making!!
That is the amazing story of where God used ravens to feed the prophet Elijah during a time in his life when he was exhausted and greatly discouraged.
Are you starting to get the picture yet? Making bread during the time of Elijah was no simple task!! Can you imagine the pride a housewife of that era would feel when she finally pulled a loaf of golden brown bread from her clay oven? She would have to feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment!
Dear friends, 
Hi Friends! 
