I was traveling through the Atlanta airport last week. I entered my plane, buckled myself in to the seat and slid the window shade up so I would be free to view the city from a fresh, new perspective. I took a deep breath. Take-off is my favorite part of flying. The views are always so incredible!
Well…. Except this time. 😐
This time, the plane took off and almost immediately entered a cloud bank. There was no incredible view. In fact, the clouds were so thick, I could barely see the tip of the wing. (That picture on the left was my actual view.)
It wasn’t anybody’s “fault”, it was simply a matter of circumstances; a conglomerate of scientific events I don’t understand, much less have the knowledge to explain. All I really knew was that my favorite part of the trip was being ruined– and there was nothing at all I could do about it.
I’ll just cut to the chase and be honest here. I was mumbling under my breath. 🤑 Instead of being thrilled about my journey… or grateful that we live in an era where modern instruments would still keep us safely in the air— I was throwing an internal tantrum of “cranky five-year-old” proportions. All I wanted was a good view!
Alas— just as I was finally making peace with the situation, the clouds cleared. The sky brightened, the sunlight glistened off the silver wing tip. The clouds which once obscured my view were suddenly white and puffy.
It was the same seat, on the same plane, in the same airspace — but the pilot had climbed to a higher altitude, and in the blink of an eye, the scene from my window changed. Suddenly, every thing was beautiful again!
A smile crossed my face. I know a lesson when I see it! 😊 The sun was ALWAYS there. It was just obscured for a short while. A change of altitude revealed what the gray sky had temporarily hidden from me.
Life can be like that, you know. Our way can seem clouded and uncertain; bleak and scary. Obscured by rough patches we can’t clearly see through. There are often “clouds” or even storms to contend with— but we can’t allow the scenery to intimidate us.The situations we find ourselves in can change quickly. Radically!
Some times our “altitude” changes. We push passed circumstances and grow— stretching our vantage point a bit. Other times, a strong wind may come up out of nowhere and push the fog away for us. (Thank you, Father!) But inevitably, the clouds in our life will eventually part. The sun will shine and the view will change. It’s part of the ebb and flow of being alive. It’s funny that it took 15 minutes in the clouds to remind me of that!
This week, I was going through the boxes we’ve had in storage. Fumbling through the piles of bubble wrap, I eventually rediscovered a child’s kaleidoscope that I had packed away some years ago.
I held it up to the light and turned its lens first to the left, and then to the right. Every “click” and turn of its lens made a hundred brightly colored fragments fall and recreate themselves into vastly different shapes, each uniquely beautiful—though completely …. totally… different from the one before. There seemed to be no end to the ways the pieces could fall, and the anticipation of what the next click would offer kept me entertained for an embarrassingly long time. (smile)
As y’all know, my mind processes things in an endless array of analogies. (haha) And this experience was no different. As I clicked and turned that kaleidoscope, I couldn’t help but ponder how closely its changing slides correspond to the ever changing seasons of our life. Just like turning the lens of that kaleidoscope created an entirely different scene, each new season of our life brings changes that make it almost unrecognizable from what we had become accustomed.
I’ve come to realize that how we perceive life as a whole depends a LOT on the season of life we are in. For example: A healthy young woman in her early thirties seldom spends much time contemplating the impact her life has had on the world at large; but forty years later, she will likely spend a considerable amount of time pondering it. It’s just the reality of the Game of Life.
Spend a few moments here with me, and let’s explore life from two radically different seasons. We are going to take a bird’s eye view of two neighbors … and hopefully, broaden our perspectives.
Julie, a mother of three young children, spends her days struggling to just keep her kiddos safe and fed. She referees petty arguments between siblings and tries to keep the dirty laundry pile from growing to the height of Mount Everest. During this season, she is busy—sleep deprived and exhausted. Her days melt into weeks; and the weeks melt into months.
It takes every thing she can muster to simply keep her household afloat. Her vantage point is limited. From her perspective, life is an endless sea of needs and servitude. In fact, she can seldom envision her existence beyond this moment. It feels like her life will forever remain in a cycle of sticky, noisy chaos. There is very little “left over” energy to spend fretting over what her life will look like once these little ones go off to college.
Her morning comes too quickly. The alarm clock didn’t go off and now…. she’s running late. The children are grumpy and dragging their feet. Her middle child has lost a shoe. Again. She groans and asks herself how it’s even possible for a child to loose one single shoe from each of the pairs he owns??! She sighs. Flip flops will have to do this morning. That’s the only matching shoes she can find for him that fit.
She grabs the diaper bag and throws it over her shoulder. It gets tangled in her purse strap that’s already there, but she’s too hurried to care. With her youngest propped against her hip, she fumbles to find the car keys without dumping the contents of her purse. As she’s dragging her tired children down the sidewalk to the car, her eyes catch a glimpse of Margaret, the elderly lady who lives across the street. She doesn’t intend to covet… but Geeze, what she wouldn’t give to have beautiful flowers out front of her house like “Miss Margaret’s”!
Margaret smiles & waves. They exchange “Good Morning” pleasantries. Julie hurriedly waves, clicks the buckle on the last car seat and attempts to slide the van door closed. Just as she’s slamming it, the long lost shoe she spent the morning hunting for, tumbles out of the van and onto the driveway. Exasperated, she bends down, picks it up and tosses it into the abyss others call a back seat. The van door can finally be shut. One should never underestimate the feeling of accomplishment that comes from success. 😉
She positions herself behind the steering wheel and reaches up to adjust the rear-view mirror. Whew! She has 10 minuntes to get the kids to school. If there’s no traffic, there’s hope that she won’t be late this time. The air inside the van reeks of a long forgotten dirty diaper and last week’s stale french fries left behind after soccer practice. Now confined to their carseats, the children begin their typical tirade of “You’re on my side!” and “Don’t touch me!” but some where along the line, Julie has become numb to it all. Her actions are robotic. Stop here. Turn there. It’s the same route she’s taken a hundred times before. The monotony allows her mind time to wander.
Is she a “good” mom? She certainly tries to be! But, Dang!! She’s always Sooo tired! Will the kids remember all the little (and not so little) things she did for them? Or… will their memories be filled with the times she failed instead? Is she doing enough to prepare them for the life they will have when they leave home? Her mind recalls the resentment she still holds for her own mother over grievances they had when she was a teenager. She felt a shudder go up her spine. Surely she can do better than THAT!
Without warning, the shoe she had cast into the abyss comes flying through the air and slams into the rear view mirror, knocking it off kilter once again. “MOMMY!!!! He……” The shrill tone of her daughter’s voice snapped her back to her present reality. “Why??! Why do you guys always act like this???!”, she quipped. She took a deep breath and reached up to re-adjust the mirror. This is her life. Of course she loves loves it…. After all, that’s how “good” moms are supposed feel. ….. Right???
*** *** *** *** Margaret, a retired widow in her mid 70s, rises early and wanders out into her front yard. It’s so much easier to weed her flower beds in the early morning before the heat and humidity get intense. She stands near the street and turns to assess the front yard as a whole. Yep. The fertilizer she used last month has certainly paid off. Her flowers are in full bloom now and there’s no denying she has the prettiest yard on the street! In fact, seldom a day goes by when neighbors, walking up and down the road in the cool of the late afternoon, don’t stop to admire her hard work. She welcomes the interaction, even if it’s often too short and impersonal for her taste.
Some days she wonders if she truly does all of this work because she enjoys gardening… or… if she does it to get the neighbors to stop and chat for a brief while. After all, the occasional chatty neighbor is the only thing she can count on to break the monotonous silence that plagues the majority of hours in her day. With her own children grown and gone, she finds herself passing the hours, sitting in her porch swing, watching life as it happens, up and down her busy tree-lined, suburban street.
One of her favorite neighbors is a young mom named “Julie” who lives directly across the street. Margaret estimates that Julie is in her early 30s— with 3 kiddos age seven and under. They are absolutely delightful children; always quick to wave and so polite! Watching their antics is better than any comedy show on TV these days. There’s always activity. Always noise. Always mess. And always laughter. “There’s never a dull moment at their house!”, Margaret tells herself. “I’m sure Julie realizes that these are the best days of her life!”
She smiles and waves at the young mom, as she watches Julie struggle to corral her children and get them into the van. It’s only 8am. and the van is a mere 50 feet from the front door— but the poor mom looks like she’s already competed in a major triathlon event—and come in last! As the van door slides open, a shoe falls out. The gregarious Miss Margaret giggles under her breath as she watches the young mom toss it to the back of the van and slam the door closed. She smiles and waves again as Julie hurriedly backs out of the driveway and speeds away.
Margaret lets out a little half-hearted laugh and shakes her head in amazement, as she comes to terms with how quickly those years passed for her. She’d give almost anything to go back in time and trade her perfectly clean, quiet, lifeless house and yard full of glorious flowers for the chaos of giggling children and their endless messes.
She longs to hear from her grown children, but they are busy fighting the dragons of their own personal seasons and seldom have the time or energy to call. Her most valuable asset is her stash of memories, and she spends her abundance of quiet time pouring over them in vivid detail. Through out the years that her children had lived at home, she had often longed for quiet time. Now, the ticking of a wall clock in the kitchen is the only thing that breaks the deafening silence. She’s shocked by how loud it seemed.
Suddenly, the smile on her face fades, and a battle begins. Once again, she must fight the endless battery of questions she asks herself. Was she a ‘good’ mother? She didn’t doubt that she TRIED really hard. But if she had been “successful”, would her grown children be where they are today? Struggling in the ways they are struggling?? Her thoughts are filled with the poisonous darts of doubt. “What ifs” fill her mother’s heart. Concern and discouragement fill her weary spirit. She looks out her window and sees another young neighbor, playing in the yard with her children and finds herself resenting how quickly the moments of her life were spent.
Two very different women—- walking through very different seasons of their life. From each other’s vantage point, the other’s life seems so much more….. fulfilling. The one thing they share in common?? They are each glorifying the season the other is in—with OUT a broad enough view to see the entire picture.
Yes indeed— our individual time line, and where we stand on this board game of life, has a huge impact on how we perceive things! Like the kaleidoscope I still hold in my hand, the click of each passing season brings scenes and scenarios we can not predict. We can anticipate the inevitable changes with joy … or dread. But things will change regardless!
I guess the main purpose of this post is to help us all remember that each season is chocked full of experiences; both pleasant and bittersweet. Every stage of life has its own trials and joys, and it’s up to each of us to choose which we’re going to focus on. There is no inherently “perfect” season we should fear leaving and no season we should approach with dread. Where ever we’re “at” on the game board of life— someone– somewhere— is watching our life through eyes of longing and appreciation. It’d be ideal if we could look at our life that way, too, for tomorrow—- the scene will be different and today’s view will be gone forever.
In the original board game, only one person can “win” at the game of Life. But in reality, any one who can reach a state of genuine contentment for the season they are in can be a true “winner”!
It was the week before the election. I climbed out of bed, grabbed my phone from its charging station and stumbled towards the coffee pot. As the familiar gurgling sounds of brewing coffee filled the air, I nestled into my seat at the kitchen table and did what I did every morning. I went straight to Facebook.
I can’t really say with absolute clarity WHEN I became a social media addict. But… some where along the way, my addiction had become glaring clear— at least to everyone but me.
I wasn’t always like this. As I think back on my days as a young mom, I remember barely having the time to go to the bathroom! I certainly didn’t have had time to scroll through my phone all day, looking at posts from people in cyber space that I had never even met in person! In fact, the idea would have been laughable had you asked me about it all those years ago. But fast forward two decades, and here we are.
The thing is? I’m not alone in my addiction. Millions of others are right there with me, surfing through pictures of other people’s lives, and tallying up “likes” and “shares” like the greedy banker, Mr. McScrooge.
We sit our phones down for a moment or two… only to find it mysteriously back in our hand again a short time later. It “pings” and “dings” and lights up. It calls for us. Or… perhaps more accurately, it SUMMONS us??! Yes indeed. How many of us can leave it sitting on the table after seeing it light up? Do you feel the pull?? The distraction? The invisible yet very real tugging that almost demands you stop what you are doing and answer?!
Maybe it’s just me? Maybe I am completely out of touch—- grasping at straws? Maybe I’m Hoping that it’s not JUST me. But as I look around, I realize that to some degree, this addiction has infested most of us!
My coffee was ready. I poured myself a cup and I went back to scrolling through Facebook. The posts were dark and unsettling. There was information… and misinformation… and the thing is?? They all looked the same. Though I did try, it was hard to discern fact from fallacy. Frankly, I’m not sure I ever uncovered absolute truth! The only thing I knew for sure was that my PEACE was gone.
And that is when it hit me. I mean, I knew before. But THAT was the morning that I knew– beyond any shadow of a doubt– that I could no longer allow my peace to be tied to the insanity of a cyber world called “social media”. It was convenient timing, because that is when rumors started circulating about spyware and tracing technology. All of it together, became the incentive for me to do what I knew I HAD to do.
U-N-P-L-U-G.
It’s a fearful thing to think that one’s entire social presence can disappear at the click of a button! Well, “fearful” might be an over statement… (or not! HA!) But that’s a pretty accurate description of how I felt about it.
On more than one occasion, I searched out “How do I delete my social media accounts?” I even posted about it a couple of times. (Though looking back, I have to wonder why. It almost makes me laugh.) I’m not really sure if I was expecting someone to talk me out of leaving?? Perhaps I secretly longed to be “needed”? Or maybe I just wanted to believe my presence would be missed?? That all those “friends” and “followers” I had would rally together and persuade me to stick around because I added so much “value” to their lives???! HA!
It’s almost laughable. Or it would be… if it weren’t so dang sad!
But in truth? The battle in my head and heart really did look at lot like that! Somewhere along the way, I had allowed social media to not only become my ADDICTION– it also had become my judge. Seriously. Just hear me out. I had allowed social media to “judge” my thoughts, my experiences, my words, my opinions, my goals. Even the pictures I shared were judged—- “rated”—- given the approval of my “friends” or…. sometimes, they were DENIED approval. In one click of a button, people from anywhere in the world could choose to “accept” me… or “reject” me… and they didn’t even have to look at me to do it. And crazier still?? I was holed up in my house, grasping my phone, waiting for the notifications that would confirm… or deny… my value!
Whew! I will spare you all the gruesome, emotional details and jump to the exciting part! Are you ready??
I HIT DELETE!!!
That’s right! I waffled back and forth a lot longer than I should have. I agonized about deleting pictures. I agonized about “loosing friends”. In all honesty?? I wasn’t at all sure of what my day would look like if it wasn’t constantly bombarded with the rush of dopamine I had grown so accustomed to! But I hit delete ANYWAY. And here I am!
I feel like a recovering Addict!! “Hello! My name is Ledonna. And I’ve been off of Instagram a month now.” hahaha.
Facebook was the next to go. Then finally, I took the plunge and removed messenger last week. I have to say that it felt SO good, that I decided to go through my email account and delete an INSANE number of old messages hanging around in there. THAT was a chore! (If this is something you have been putting off, I suggest you google how to do it quickly! There’s a trick to deleting massive amounts at once! It was SO worth it! I had NO idea that this stuff had been weighing me down like it was! IT FELT AMAZING to let all of that crud go!!!)
I was so motivated by the lack of baggage, that I’ve started de-cluttering my phone! I’ve been wondering why it was so sluggish! Now that it’s 2000 texts and 60+ contacts lighter, it seems to be much more efficient!
Now, I didn’t get rid of EVERY body. But I did do some serious pruning. I had to realize that every person I was “holding space for” was taking up room in my head and heart. Let’s be real. Each of us only has so much space!!! Our head and hearts are VALUABLE REAL ESTATE! We need to be purposeful about who we allow to occupy that limited space!
So, I went through each contact, one by one. I was able to see the last we had talked on the phone. I was able to read the last few texts we had shared. I was also able to see the times that I had reached out to someone and heard nothing at all, many times over.
Once I was no longer distracted by the tentacles of social media, I was clearly able to see who was truly interested in maintaining a relationship with me … and who was just … taking up space. And though that wasn’t a painless reality, I am able to see that letting go of those people means I have OPENINGS now for Fresh and meaningful interactions again!
My mind is less cluttered now. The clutter has been replaced by an odd, and somewhat uncomfortable, quiet. Behavioral scientists claim that dopamine addiction is a very real thing, so I imagine it will take a while for my brain to stop craving the interaction. But I’m sure I’ll get there!
Occasionally, I have found myself wondering if I’m “missing” something. But before I get too carried away with that concern, something outside the kitchen window catches my eye and I notice that my little sparrow is back. She’s already making provisions for her next brood.
Seeing her diligently work to build her nest makes my insides smile. And all the sudden, social media—and all the chaos it brings— is the furthest thing from my mind. There’s a great big, beautiful LIFE out here, my friends. And I need to get back to it instead of considering it a spectator sport!
I’ll still be posting things here, as time allows, and you can still reach me via the Built.To.Be.A.Butterfly@gmail.com email address. But I’ll be off the social media radar for a while, and have the faith that those who need what BuiltToBeAButterfly offers will find us in spite of that.
It was almost 12 noon and all the factories in our podunk little town would soon be letting out for lunch, crowding the main road back home. I decided to take the back way, where I would only pass the occasional car or two in the five miles it would take for me to get home.
It had been a challenging day, and I was heavy in thought. Suddenly, it occurred to me that I’d missed my turn, taking the route that was most familiar instead of the one I had intended. The mistake meant I’d get routed back into the main flow of traffic. All the twists and turns I’d taken to that point, in preparation of missing traffic, had been in vain.
Obviously, I was frustrated. I had expended effort, expecting a pleasant outcome and found that one slight oversight ruined it. I guess that’s what happens when our minds are cluttered. We just tend to revert back to what is natural. You know—the habits that we have formed through ritual.
How many times in life do we get distracted and allow HABIT to take over, run our thoughts and control our actions?? The scriptures tell us we are to take every thought captive. (2 Corinthians 10:5) It says that we can literally renew our mind by controlling our thought process! My guess is— that means it’s fully possible for us to control these instinctive impulses, otherwise God’s Word wouldn’t encourage us to try.
Yahweh doesn’t do things just to frustrate His children! He only instructs us in what is best for our growth. So the next time we find ourselves the victim of a series of negative thoughts or habitual behaviors, we must take a moment to really focus on renewing our mind—replacing those “default” thoughts and actions with promises in His Word! (Romans 12:2, Ephesians 4:23)
We do not have to remain slaves to fear or the mistakes of our past. We do not have to be victimized by old patterns. We do not even have to carry the stigma of our DNA. If you don’t like who you are, where you came from, or where you’re going…. Sit down and have a talk with your Creator! Ask Him to reveal His truths to you. His Word is a road map, filled with directions and promises! He will answer all who call upon His Name! (Galatians 4:7, Psalms 91:15, Jeremiah 33:3, 1 Corinthians 1:2)
We are new creations in Him! Every moment of every day, offers us a fresh opportunity to implement God’s truths in our life! Each time we kick fear in the face and CHOOSE to walk in His truths instead, we take a step closer to our destiny; to becoming all He created us to be!
Our life is meant to be filled with Hope. And when we are filled to overflowing with the Hope and Joy only He can offer, it is much easier to spread our wings and fly! (2 Corinthians 5:17-21, Jeremiah 29:11)
By now, you girls know that my mission is to spread joy and hopeful expectation to a hurting, dying world. I do that through analogies that I see manifest themselves in every day life. So at first glance, it might seem shocking for you to discover that I have a deep fascination with cemeteries, and have had since I was a little girl. (But don’t worry. Bare with me for a few short paragraphs and I will help this apparent contradiction make sense.)
So back to my fascination with cemeteries…
My dad was a U.S. History teacher who was always looking for creative ways to pique my interest in history, so my natural curiosity provided him with an opportunity to educate me under the pretense of accommodation. It also provide some father-daughter time, making it a win/win.
I was most interested in the really old cemeteries; ones where the headstones were covered with decades of dirt and moss and barely legible names and dates. We would enter into the gate, and I would inevitably make a bee line to the spot I deemed was oldest, based on my visual assessment.
“How old was HE, daddy?”, I would ask with eager interest.
My father would still be tallying up the age when the next battery of questions would hit.
“What’d he DIE from, daddy? What does THIS symbol mean? Was he in the civil war? Do you think he ever met Abraham Lincoln???”
For me, there was always such a fascination with who these people were, how they lived and all the intimate details of their lives.
As I have gotten older, my curiosity has deepened. What were their hopes, their dreams, their fears?? They were like us, once upon a time; full of life, hope and expectation. And now, they are at rest, waiting for the resurrection and the time when they will meet their Creator. Their passions and accomplishments have, for the most part, faded like the sunset. These grave markers, with etching that has eroded, is all that is left to prove to me that they ever even existed.
Of course, this makes me ponder my own mortality, but doesn’t make me sad. It just makes me MINDFUL. It reminds me that each day is a gift— one that is finite and waning. Today is all I have! And I must be purposeful in how I spend it. The day will come when my tomorrows are all used up. I can become fearful and depressed about that—or purposeful in how I live. I choose being purposeful; eating, breathing, living and loving in such a way that I don’t fear the “sunset” of my life.
This is part of my commitment to live Purposefully. It is part of training myself to live out side the box of expectations that other people impose upon me. Our days are numbered. That’s reality. But how we choose to spend them is entirely up to each of us. I refuse to sit and be merely a spectator in this event called “life”! I will choose to invest in the lives of others. I will choose to be involved. I will choose to make a difference. And I hope that each of you will, too! After all, it’s a matter of mortality!
This time, the plane took off and almost immediately entered a cloud bank. There was no incredible view. In fact, the clouds were so thick, I could barely see the tip of the wing. (That picture on the left was my actual view.)
