So much of life is about perspective, don’t you think?
I was reminded of that just recently. I was playing on a soccer field with my grand kids. Nothing too formal. We were just kicking the ball around and having fun.
The day was sunny but cool. You could tell fall was just around the corner. As I looked out across the expansive field, I could see a man on a zero turn mower off in the distance, zooming back and forth, cutting the grass for what would most certainly be the last time of the season.
I couldn’t help but shake my head sarcastically. What a waste of city funding. Anybody could tell the grass wasn’t in need of cutting. After all, it was already browning and patchy in spots. All he was going to do was stir up a dirt cloud! ‘What an absolute waste of time and tax-payer money,’ I thought to myself.
(Admit it. That’s about as dying & brown as it gets. Right??!)
Then I heard it— the excited squeal of one of my sweet grandchildren.
“MiMi! Come look! They’re so pretty!”
“Pretty?” I thought to myself. “How on earth is dying, brown grass pretty?”
Of course, I didn’t SAY that out loud or anything. I did what any good grandmother would do. I allowed my excited little grandson to grab me by the finger and lead me — not so gently— towards a section of grass about twenty feet from where I’d been standing.
“Look MiMi! Look! They’re so pretty!” he exclaimed.
Suspiciously, I looked down. More dying, brown grass.
“No MiMi! You can’t see them from up there! You have to be down HERE!” he chided.
Now friends … I’m 5’6” so my vantage point wasn’t terribly far from his! What on earth was he seeing that was so spectacular that I couldn’t see from such a limited distance away? I let out a weary sigh but conceded. He pulled me to the ground and pointed.
There… amongst the dying brown grass was… the most beautiful collection of tiny white flowers! This is literally the same picture from earlier. I simply expanded it. These beauties were there all along!!
Each was shaped like a four-sided star, and… upon closer observation, each tiny petal was lined with rows of soft hairs. White stamens protruded from their centers. There weren’t two or three… or even ten of these little beauties. There were dozens! Each tucked down between blades of dying, brown grass— on a soccer field that was trampled by gaggles of cleat-wearing children multiple times a week!
I have no idea how these fragile looking little blossoms survived in such an unwelcoming environment. But the sight of them brought a smile to my face. As I ran my fingers through my grandson’s sweaty hair, I was prompted to offer a moment of silent gratitude. Had he not persuaded me to stop and change my vantage point, I would have missed the wonder of the moment right in front of me!
Life can become like that so easily if we allow it! We get busy; tired; perhaps even a little lazy. We grow old— not in body but in mind. We often lose our child-like wonder and our appreciation for the “little things” is pummeled to death by invaders like “schedules”, “responsibility” and the “pressures of life”.
I struggle with those things, too— but on this particular day, I was reminded that surrendering to them is a choice! We can just as easily CHOOSE to nurture that child-like appreciation for the “little things”. It starts with where we allow our mind to go and ends somewhere on the self of priorities.
We aren’t victims of our busy schedules. More accurately, we are merely the result of what we focus on! No wonder so many of us are sick, depressed, anxiety-ridden and lacking the energy to get through our day. If our mind is fed a diet of negativity and our bodies are depleted of real food, physical movement, quality down time and good sleep, what other results should we expect???
We all know these things, so I’m just “preaching to the choir” here. I know these concepts and yet— continually lose sight of them, so I thought maybe I’m not the only one who needs reminding? So friends, here’s a simple piece of counsel. Stop and smell those flowers (literally AND figuratively!) Make conscious, intentional choices to eat better, to get some sunlight; go for a walk; make time to laugh and refresh yourself —daily.
It takes effort. It requires commitment. It will be an investment of your time as well. But I am a firm believer that we each make time for what we believe is important. Be determined to see past the dying, brown grass to find the tiny little flowers of life. I promise you’ll be grateful you adjusted your vantage point!
This is part one of a five part series entitled “Five Truths I’ve Finally Learned”.
If you find this a worthy read, please help me spread the word, by sharing it with your friends and family.
Dear friends,
I want you to spend a few minutes pondering sounds that make you happy. What comes to mind? The ocean waves as they lap against a sandy beach? The clinking of wind chimes as they react to a gentle breeze? The cheery chirping of migrant birds, at your feeder announcing the arrival of spring? I love those sounds, too! But for me, there is one sound that beats all of those, hands down.
It’s the laughter of little children. It’s one of my most favorite sounds on Earth! I love the unbridled joy that radiates from their little faces. It’s sweet. Simple. Unencumbered by the heaviness that life often dumps in our laps as adults. Little children live in a realm of immediacy. Immediate Joy. Immediate sadness. They have not yet learned to hold back the tide of emotion that knocks us older folks down like waves at the sea shore. Little children aren’t embarrassed if they “snort” when they laugh. They don’t worry about who is making fun of them. They just LAUGH, unashamed and void of the social expectations that fence us in like a rusty barbed-wire cage.
How long has it been since you’ve allowed a child-like laugh to form deep inside your belly and escape your pursed lips? How many years have you strived to “keep it all together” for reputation’s sake, fearing that the “real you” wouldn’t find acceptance in the world you’ve created? How many years have you dressed the part you were expected to play, without regard to what it did to your soul?
Whatever your answer, the truth is… it’s been too long! That brings me to truth #5 on the count down of things I have finally learned:
5. You don’t get to determine my value! And nobody gets to determine yours either!
That’s right. The way I laugh or dress… whether or not I choose to wear make-up or jewelry… If I adorn my body with tattoos or piercings… or wear flour-sack dresses that hang loosely from my shoulders and drag the ground— what’s it to you? I should not have to walk like you, talk like you, dress like you or even think just like you to be valued and worthy of your love. Likewise, the choices you make don’t need to vie for my approval. They simply need to be an honest reflection of who you are.
An honest reflection. Did you catch that?? We must live a life that is honest— both with others, and ourselves!
My life, like yours, has been a series of moving from one season to another. As the circumstances in my life have ebbed and flowed, my hair style and wardrobe have changed right alongside my responsibilities and attitudes. I’ve been the teen in the “painted on” jeans, the conservative home-school mom in the blue jean jumper, and everything in between. But that whole time, I have always been “me”.
Well… except for those times when I was trying to earn the acceptance and approval of others! During those seasons, I remained a version of myself but never allowed myself to be fully—unapologetically— me. After all, being me, with all my flaws, was just too scary! What if someone discovered something about me that they didn’t like? They might… reject me! (Oh, the horror!)
Over the years, I developed this nifty little protective mechanism to thwart the pain of rejection. I rationalized that if I could just squeeze myself into the mold my desired group expected, they would “like” me and I could “belong”. All it took was… everything. All of the restraint, submission, swallowing-hard, and self denying I could muster. It always worked, at least for a while. Everyone loved me— except me!
It’s a pattern that started as a young child when I observed that “good little girls” behaved in a specific way and earned both love and approval, while those who went against social expectation were “bad little girls” unworthy of either. I learned quickly, and the lesson served me well growing up in the home I did. But the behavior patterns it produced made me extremely vulnerable to external manipulation. I was desperate to “people please” and terrified of disappointing those who “loved” me. It was almost as though I wore a blinking sign that told the world I would jump through hoops to gain its approval. This not only thwarted my personal growth as a young woman, it also made me an easy target for narcissistic personalities. Looking back, I can see that many of those unhealthy patterns lingered long enough to cause problems for my children as well.
Maybe I’m the only one out here who has allowed others to dictate what I should or should not look like; who I should… and should not be? But that’s unlikely. I believe it’s a pretty common pitfall for women in our society. It’s one of many lies we fall victim to. The lie tells us that if our husband loves us, we have value. If our children turn out “well”, we are good mothers. If lots of people like us, we must be a “good” person. If our house looks like a magazine cover, then we are great home-makers. If our social media presence has lots of followers, we are “successful”. Blah, blah, blah…
But here’s the truth: Our value does not come from the friends we keep. Our marriage status is not a reflection of our worthiness. How our children turn out has as much to do with their personal choices as it does our parenting skills. And social media? Ha! Social media is such a fickle source of affirmation. It’s a joke to think our value can be determined by the number of “likes” we get on a post.
My friend, when our value comes from these places, it can LEAVE with these places! The woman whose marriage fails must be a failure. The woman whose circle of friends excludes her is suddenly worthless. The mom whose children are struggling obviously did something “wrong” and all the sacrifices she made over the years were for naught. A messy house can’t provide comfortable shelter or a satisfying meal.
Y’all know that’s not true!
The truth is— Our value comes from the Most High. He determined our worth long before our soul merged with our physical body. We are the daughters of the King of the Universe. That is the position we are born in to— and die in to. It’s the only thing that will never fail us! It isn’t dependent on who we are married to, who approves or disapproves of us, who wants to play with us or who hates our guts!
The Creator placed a label on us that declares us “IRREPLACEABLE. ONE OF A KIND. WORTHY OF SENDING HIS SON TO DIE ON OUR BEHALF. LOVED— FOREVER” — without regard to whether or not we “snort” when we laugh! No one in Heaven– OR Earth –can place a “sale tag” on what God Himself calls Priceless—UNLESS we, ourselves, hand them the Price Gun….
Girlfriend, I want you to remember that!
It’s taken me a life time to finally start applying this truth. Along the way, I’ve had to make a lot of changes, and even let some highly contemptuous people go. Though I still appreciate a kind word, I no longer live for other people’s praise— and I don’t die on the altar of their criticism either! The Almighty Creator sets my value now, and the price tag He’s placed on my forehead declares me “Unique. One of a Kind. Dearly Loved, Highly Valued, and Priceless Beyond Measure”. This chick won’t ever let herself be placed on the “clearance isle” again, and neither should you!
Please Tune in next time for part 4 in the countdown of Five Truths I’ve Finally Learned!
If you are young, thin, and beautiful… fully confident that the world is your oyster longing to make you a necklace of priceless pearls… If your marriage is on solid ground and your kiddos are all walking as they should… If you can climb out of bed without aches and pains and look in the mirror naked without wincing … If your kitchens counters are bare and tidy, and all your laundry is folded and put away… If you can go to the grocery store without having to wait until pay day and you pay your electric bill before the cut off date…
This post isn’t for you.
But if those conditions don’t apply in your life, pour yourself a cup of hot tea and keep reading. I’m here to tell you that God sees you!! He hears you!! EVERY tear you have cried, every moan that has welled up inside your weary soul… He knows it all.
Take a deep breath and look around your house with a critical eye. Many of us are behind on a lot of projects. It takes every ounce of our energy to accomplish even the most necessary of chores. There’s dirty laundry piled up in the floor, dishes to be washed and put away, sticky fingerprints left behind by wandering little ones to wipe down. There might be dust on the furniture that’s thick enough to write a message in. 😉
If that’s you— God wants you to sit down for a moment and take a few deep breaths. He knows this motherhood thing is challenging. And… tho it is wonderful to have a clean house and to feel like you’re on top of your to-do list, He wants you to know that—in the long term scheme of things— dusting won’t really matter. Your family won’t be better adjusted or feel more loved if your house is dust free. It doesn’t work like that.
He wants you to do what you must to meet the needs of your family. Focus on quality food and quality time. Read and Live His Word to your children. Strive to make your home a place where your family feels safe, peaceful and loved. All the other things we tend to stress over really won’t be as life-changing as that. Now, take another look around your house. Each family has a different love language. What can you do in the next 30 minutes that will say “I love you” to your family? Do THAT thing. Make that your priority for today.
Your marriage? My sweet friend, whether your husband leaves or stays, Yahweh wants to be the top priority in your life. He wants you to know that in the darkness, as you curl up alone on your side of the bed and clutch your pillow in utter despair… He longs to be your husband.
God is not built of human flesh. He will not succumb to the pressures of life. His desire for you will never wax and wane. His love for you can never be undermined. He will never compare you to another and leave you feeling inadequate. He knows you were created to bring a unique beauty into this realm and you will forever be the apple of His eye. You are HIS— purchased at great cost. You are valuable beyond your wildest imagine. In fact, He utterly adores you!
Give yourself to Him completely. Fall into His loving arms and pour your heart out to Him. He has seen it all… and He understands. Allow Him to comfort you. He will lead you, guide you, protect you and provide for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. His loving Spirit will fill-in all the holes that life has punched in you and turn your shame to glory.
He also wants you to know that He loves your kiddos. Believe it or not, He loves them even more than you do! He knew their names before the creation of the universe, and He chose you to be their mother. Yes, you! With all your many faults and shortcomings— He still chose YOU. He didn’t choose you because He expected you to be perfect. He did it because He knew you were the perfect mother for the children He was building, even though you would occasionally fall short.
He took flesh and bone from your body, knitting it into your womb and then breathed life into the tiny being. You were granted the miracle of feeling the spark of life rustle inside you. Do you remember the day you first discovered you were pregnant? The excitement, mingled with a terrifying fear? You were scared you weren’t ready. You weren’t sure the timing was right (but is it ever really “right”??) Yet when the dust settled and your heartbeat stopped racing, the idea really took hold of you—-mind, body and spirit. You quickly grew to love this little being, long before you laid eyes on him. Yahweh knows that feeling well— because He experienced the same joy as He watched you grow in your own mother’s womb!
Motherhood is the highest calling He bestows, and yes— He knew in advance that there would be times when you would screw up. He knew it… and He chose you any way! Since the Creator of the Universe is confident you can do the job He’s given you…. then Momma, maybe you need to move past the doubt and into the quiet, humble conviction that, with His help, you really are qualified to do the job at hand.
God wants you to know that your children have a mighty purpose— and He is going to weave every event into something that will eventually bring benefit to them and glory to Himself— even the waywardness and mistakes that you are so grieved by right now. Ask for His forgiveness where you have messed up, and for His wisdom in the days ahead. Get on your knees and lift your family up in your prayers. They are fighting battles we can not even fathom!! They need their momma’s constant prayers!! ASK for Him to pour out His goodness upon your children; for Him to meet their needs, heal their wounds and pave the way for them to find their way back to Him! He is eager to pour out blessings upon those who search for Him with their whole heart. (And nothing will make a person search for Him like the desperation they feel over a wayward child! Am I right?!)
Don’t be discouraged! Instead, Use this season to your advantage! Allow it to re-ignite the relationship you have with the Creator! Pour your wounded momma’s heart out to Him and let Him put the shattered pieces back in a way that brings beauty and sense out of the brokenness.
For those with financial issues: It is a heavy responsibility to carry the physical needs of your family on your own human shoulders. God wants you to know that He understands the weight you carry. He wants you to know that He understands you have needs, and that He can make a way where there seems to be no way. He wants you to search your heart and ask Him for what you truly need. He wants you to trust that He can (and will!) provide. And He wants you to prove it through offering Him a portion of your First Fruits.
It will be one of the hardest lessons in trust that you will ever face! But your tithe will be like seeds planted in the garden. You will reap what you sow. If you don’t have money right now? Tithe your TIME. It is a valuable resource to the Kingdom of Heaven! But don’t cheat God and then expect for Him to pour abundantly into your life. It just doesn’t work like that. The sowing and reaping analogy is miraculous. Test it for yourself and see.
God wants me to mention that there are some of us who are living with frail and failing bodies. We have been betrayed by the ravishes of time. The days of youth and good health are behind us. The future looks dim and disheartening. For those walking that path right now? He understands that we are only dust. He wants you to know that He cares. He wants to remind you that this body, which encases our spirit, is nothing more than an earth-suit, doomed to decay. The exercise, the rigid diets, the treatments, the supplements—- eventually, they will each fail to perform the miracles we demand. But He also wants you to know that won’t be your end! It will be your new beginning—the start of eternity in His presence!
The process is scary only because we can not fathom the love Yahweh has for us! Turn to Him and share your heart. He understands the fear, the pain, the questions. He’s just waiting for you to talk to Him. Ask Him for ministering angels; for peace and surety and a sound mind. He is waiting for your last breath to leave your earthly confines— where your eyes will finally be able to see the fullness that has previously been hidden from them. He’s been there all along, my friend. Even during those dark and lonely seasons. When your eyes are fully capable of seeing all that He has done for you, the fear will melt like snow in the spring and burst forth into a joy that surpasses all comprehension.
I don’t know who this message was for—specifically. But I do know I was prompted intently to write it. It’s His love letter to you. You are the daughter of the King of the Universe and He utterly adores you! Pull yourself up by the boot strings and wipe your eyes. As long as you’re still in your earth-suit, you have work to do! Get on your knees if you can— if not, just close your eyes and get to a quiet place where you and God can have a pow-wow. He wants to love on you. All you have to do is let Him in!
Ah… This is where it all began: “Just” a home-school mom with a limited budget, who wanted a fun science project that would excite her children. Humble beginnings, huh??! (I’ve come to realize most really awesome things start like that.) 🙂
The tiny eggs hatched into hungry caterpillars. Within a few weeks, the little fellas had grown from minuscule to as thick as a man’s thumb. And then? When my children and I awoke one morning, our little caterpillars were gone and all we saw were five chrysalis, dangling from the top of our butterfly cage.
Over the next few weeks, we observed those motionless little pods, with hopeful assurance that in due time, they would each emerge as the beautiful butterflies— just as the science magazine they had been ordered from had promised.
It’s hard to believe that blog post was first published over five YEARS ago! I want to ask “Where did the time go??!” But then, doesn’t that make me sound… old??!! LOL.
Time has marched forward with what feels like break-neck speed. It seems like I blinked… and everything has changed! Whew! The fact is… the five wonderfully curious little children I wrote about in the post linked above are all grown up now. Two are military men; both who have been serving in places outside the U.S., under circumstances which have pained my mother’s heart. My daughters have finished college and married.
My “nest” is empty now and my time is more my own. In my last post, I explained that I have been praying about where my time and energy should be spent now— particularly in regards to the BuiltToBeAButterfly website and ministry. I also shared with y’all then that I was working on a manuscript and that I would be taking a little time off from writing here while I was working on the project.
Well…. the manuscript is finally finished and it is currently in the proof and editing phases! I’ll let you know more as the details become clear.
I’m still uncertain about what the future holds for this website. Its creation was a huge leap of faith for me—-a real s-t-r-e-t-c-h for me and my (very) limited technical skills! It has also been a real time consumer— mostly because I have had to learn as I go (and I’m a very slow learner!) haha! And then there is the expense of maintaining a website and all that involves. I probably would have given up long ago, but so many of you have been kind enough to say that it’s blessed you over the years. It has made it hard to consider letting it go by the way side.
So for now? I’m still considering this a “Pause”; the proverbial semicolon that will be a place holder until I hear clearly what direction to take. Until then, I will still be popping in here occasionally to keep in touch. I would absolutely appreciate your prayers in the next few months as I explore this next season of writing and investigate which doors of opportunity I should walk through (and which ones I should let slam shut! LOL) 😉
As always, I will keep you guys posted! I appreciate you so very much!
This week, I was going through the boxes we’ve had in storage. Fumbling through the piles of bubble wrap, I eventually rediscovered a child’s kaleidoscope that I had packed away some years ago.
I held it up to the light and turned its lens first to the left, and then to the right. Every “click” and turn of its lens made a hundred brightly colored fragments fall and recreate themselves into vastly different shapes, each uniquely beautiful—though completely …. totally… different from the one before. There seemed to be no end to the ways the pieces could fall, and the anticipation of what the next click would offer kept me entertained for an embarrassingly long time. (smile)
As y’all know, my mind processes things in an endless array of analogies. (haha) And this experience was no different. As I clicked and turned that kaleidoscope, I couldn’t help but ponder how closely its changing slides correspond to the ever changing seasons of our life. Just like turning the lens of that kaleidoscope created an entirely different scene, each new season of our life brings changes that make it almost unrecognizable from what we had become accustomed.
I’ve come to realize that how we perceive life as a whole depends a LOT on the season of life we are in. For example: A healthy young woman in her early thirties seldom spends much time contemplating the impact her life has had on the world at large; but forty years later, she will likely spend a considerable amount of time pondering it. It’s just the reality of the Game of Life.
Spend a few moments here with me, and let’s explore life from two radically different seasons. We are going to take a bird’s eye view of two neighbors … and hopefully, broaden our perspectives.
Julie, a mother of three young children, spends her days struggling to just keep her kiddos safe and fed. She referees petty arguments between siblings and tries to keep the dirty laundry pile from growing to the height of Mount Everest. During this season, she is busy—sleep deprived and exhausted. Her days melt into weeks; and the weeks melt into months.
It takes every thing she can muster to simply keep her household afloat. Her vantage point is limited. From her perspective, life is an endless sea of needs and servitude. In fact, she can seldom envision her existence beyond this moment. It feels like her life will forever remain in a cycle of sticky, noisy chaos. There is very little “left over” energy to spend fretting over what her life will look like once these little ones go off to college.
Her morning comes too quickly. The alarm clock didn’t go off and now…. she’s running late. The children are grumpy and dragging their feet. Her middle child has lost a shoe. Again. She groans and asks herself how it’s even possible for a child to loose one single shoe from each of the pairs he owns??! She sighs. Flip flops will have to do this morning. That’s the only matching shoes she can find for him that fit.
She grabs the diaper bag and throws it over her shoulder. It gets tangled in her purse strap that’s already there, but she’s too hurried to care. With her youngest propped against her hip, she fumbles to find the car keys without dumping the contents of her purse. As she’s dragging her tired children down the sidewalk to the car, her eyes catch a glimpse of Margaret, the elderly lady who lives across the street. She doesn’t intend to covet… but Geeze, what she wouldn’t give to have beautiful flowers out front of her house like “Miss Margaret’s”!
Margaret smiles & waves. They exchange “Good Morning” pleasantries. Julie hurriedly waves, clicks the buckle on the last car seat and attempts to slide the van door closed. Just as she’s slamming it, the long lost shoe she spent the morning hunting for, tumbles out of the van and onto the driveway. Exasperated, she bends down, picks it up and tosses it into the abyss others call a back seat. The van door can finally be shut. One should never underestimate the feeling of accomplishment that comes from success. 😉
She positions herself behind the steering wheel and reaches up to adjust the rear-view mirror. Whew! She has 10 minuntes to get the kids to school. If there’s no traffic, there’s hope that she won’t be late this time. The air inside the van reeks of a long forgotten dirty diaper and last week’s stale french fries left behind after soccer practice. Now confined to their carseats, the children begin their typical tirade of “You’re on my side!” and “Don’t touch me!” but some where along the line, Julie has become numb to it all. Her actions are robotic. Stop here. Turn there. It’s the same route she’s taken a hundred times before. The monotony allows her mind time to wander.
Is she a “good” mom? She certainly tries to be! But, Dang!! She’s always Sooo tired! Will the kids remember all the little (and not so little) things she did for them? Or… will their memories be filled with the times she failed instead? Is she doing enough to prepare them for the life they will have when they leave home? Her mind recalls the resentment she still holds for her own mother over grievances they had when she was a teenager. She felt a shudder go up her spine. Surely she can do better than THAT!
Without warning, the shoe she had cast into the abyss comes flying through the air and slams into the rear view mirror, knocking it off kilter once again. “MOMMY!!!! He……” The shrill tone of her daughter’s voice snapped her back to her present reality. “Why??! Why do you guys always act like this???!”, she quipped. She took a deep breath and reached up to re-adjust the mirror. This is her life. Of course she loves loves it…. After all, that’s how “good” moms are supposed feel. ….. Right???
*** *** *** *** Margaret, a retired widow in her mid 70s, rises early and wanders out into her front yard. It’s so much easier to weed her flower beds in the early morning before the heat and humidity get intense. She stands near the street and turns to assess the front yard as a whole. Yep. The fertilizer she used last month has certainly paid off. Her flowers are in full bloom now and there’s no denying she has the prettiest yard on the street! In fact, seldom a day goes by when neighbors, walking up and down the road in the cool of the late afternoon, don’t stop to admire her hard work. She welcomes the interaction, even if it’s often too short and impersonal for her taste.
Some days she wonders if she truly does all of this work because she enjoys gardening… or… if she does it to get the neighbors to stop and chat for a brief while. After all, the occasional chatty neighbor is the only thing she can count on to break the monotonous silence that plagues the majority of hours in her day. With her own children grown and gone, she finds herself passing the hours, sitting in her porch swing, watching life as it happens, up and down her busy tree-lined, suburban street.
One of her favorite neighbors is a young mom named “Julie” who lives directly across the street. Margaret estimates that Julie is in her early 30s— with 3 kiddos age seven and under. They are absolutely delightful children; always quick to wave and so polite! Watching their antics is better than any comedy show on TV these days. There’s always activity. Always noise. Always mess. And always laughter. “There’s never a dull moment at their house!”, Margaret tells herself. “I’m sure Julie realizes that these are the best days of her life!”
She smiles and waves at the young mom, as she watches Julie struggle to corral her children and get them into the van. It’s only 8am. and the van is a mere 50 feet from the front door— but the poor mom looks like she’s already competed in a major triathlon event—and come in last! As the van door slides open, a shoe falls out. The gregarious Miss Margaret giggles under her breath as she watches the young mom toss it to the back of the van and slam the door closed. She smiles and waves again as Julie hurriedly backs out of the driveway and speeds away.
Margaret lets out a little half-hearted laugh and shakes her head in amazement, as she comes to terms with how quickly those years passed for her. She’d give almost anything to go back in time and trade her perfectly clean, quiet, lifeless house and yard full of glorious flowers for the chaos of giggling children and their endless messes.
She longs to hear from her grown children, but they are busy fighting the dragons of their own personal seasons and seldom have the time or energy to call. Her most valuable asset is her stash of memories, and she spends her abundance of quiet time pouring over them in vivid detail. Through out the years that her children had lived at home, she had often longed for quiet time. Now, the ticking of a wall clock in the kitchen is the only thing that breaks the deafening silence. She’s shocked by how loud it seemed.
Suddenly, the smile on her face fades, and a battle begins. Once again, she must fight the endless battery of questions she asks herself. Was she a ‘good’ mother? She didn’t doubt that she TRIED really hard. But if she had been “successful”, would her grown children be where they are today? Struggling in the ways they are struggling?? Her thoughts are filled with the poisonous darts of doubt. “What ifs” fill her mother’s heart. Concern and discouragement fill her weary spirit. She looks out her window and sees another young neighbor, playing in the yard with her children and finds herself resenting how quickly the moments of her life were spent.
Two very different women—- walking through very different seasons of their life. From each other’s vantage point, the other’s life seems so much more….. fulfilling. The one thing they share in common?? They are each glorifying the season the other is in—with OUT a broad enough view to see the entire picture.
Yes indeed— our individual time line, and where we stand on this board game of life, has a huge impact on how we perceive things! Like the kaleidoscope I still hold in my hand, the click of each passing season brings scenes and scenarios we can not predict. We can anticipate the inevitable changes with joy … or dread. But things will change regardless!
I guess the main purpose of this post is to help us all remember that each season is chocked full of experiences; both pleasant and bittersweet. Every stage of life has its own trials and joys, and it’s up to each of us to choose which we’re going to focus on. There is no inherently “perfect” season we should fear leaving and no season we should approach with dread. Where ever we’re “at” on the game board of life— someone– somewhere— is watching our life through eyes of longing and appreciation. It’d be ideal if we could look at our life that way, too, for tomorrow—- the scene will be different and today’s view will be gone forever.
In the original board game, only one person can “win” at the game of Life. But in reality, any one who can reach a state of genuine contentment for the season they are in can be a true “winner”!
It was one of those places I always dread going; a large, dirty city– filled with noise, smog and “busy” people scurrying in and out of traffic. It is also the kind of place racial tension hasn’t improved much over the past 50 years; a place where you can feel the intense animosity of its racially charged population just as easily as you can sense the summer heatwaves bouncing off the blacktop roads. It’s a place I avoid like the plague.
But, when one chooses to have a “country life”, one eventually finds a need to travel to the “big city”. Even though it’s more than an hour away, it’s the closest town with a quality hospital. Top rated specialists. Good restaurants. Specialty stores that ensure successful shopping experiences. I had put it off as long as I could. Today was the day. There was no avoiding it.
I had my list in hand and headed out— filled with purpose…. and a great deal of dread. What I hadn’t planned on is what God had planned.
I finished the “to do list” quickly, but found myself with at least an hour to kill so I decided to check out a couple of thrift stores nearby. My mind was cluttered and my heart was heavy. I aimlessly wandered through the isles, perhaps subconsciously hoping to find something to distract me from thinking. It wasn’t working…
I left the last store and headed to my car. The gray clouds finally burst open and the rain began to drizzle down, sending steam up from the blistering parking lot. I was almost to my car when my eyes caught sight of a furniture store with an attractive window display a few shops down from where I was.
I’m not in the market for furniture… so I don’t really even know why I felt compelled to go in. But… half way to my car, I changed my direction and headed for the furniture store. By the time I reached the door, the drizzle had become a down pour. Apparently this was not only going to be a no-good errand day… it was going to be a no-good hair day as well! LOL.
Just as I neared the door, it flung wide open. A tall, broad-shouldered, middle aged black man in a dark suit, greeted me with a smile. “Come on in here and get outta this rain!”, he begged. I stepped inside the entrance way, dripping wet and took a moment to compose myself. I felt like a drowned rat and for a moment, I found myself wishing I’d just run to the car instead.
His welcoming tone settled my spirit. Comforted, my eyes were drawn to dozens of make shift “rooms”, each filled with perfectly arranged furniture groups like you see on the pages of a Southern Living magazine. I wandered from display to display, soaking in the sights, as the salesman and I made casual conversation.
Eventually, we found ourselves at the back of the store, where another employee— a woman of Asian descent who appeared a few years younger than me— eagerly joined our conversation. Her presence brought a more personal touch to the discussion. She mentioned her grown children; the moral decline of our society… and both her concerns… AND her hopes for “tomorrow”. But the real game changer occurred when she mentioned her FAITH.
Oh, its introduction was “slick”–but not in a bad way. It wasn’t pompous or preachy. It was matter-of-fact. Simple but refreshing. Genuine. And her level of candor touched me, deep within my soul. I nodded my head in agreement with all she spoke, but my words got caught in my throat. Suddenly—without any warning at all—my aching heart betrayed me, and I found my eyes welling up with tears.
Without skipping a beat, she turned to grab a tissue from a box behind the counter and placed it in my hand with a gentle yet reassuring squeeze. Now understand… I do many things well; but raw, snot-inducing, heaping, sobbing tears ISN’T one of them! I’ve even been known to dig my fingernails into the palms of my hands to regain my composure and prevent tears. Yet some how, THIS was … different. My embarrassment subsided when I realized that she had pulled a second tissue out to catch her OWN tears.
Our raw humanity proved too much for our male counterpart. When I finally felt confident enough to stop looking at the floor, I caught this broad shouldered, well dressed giant of a man wiping the tears from his face. It isn’t often people talk like this; especially in the workplace— amongst strangers!
And yet— here we were. Three strangers— Of different races—from different backgrounds; living in different cities; worshiping the Living God in vastly different ways—- sharing an intimate and deeply moving experience—together— based on the never changing, steadfast and ever faithful Mighty One we serve! We gave our testimonies. We shared personal concerns. We encouraged one another with scripture, and we committed to pray for one another in the days and weeks ahead.
Who would have thought that a rotten, no-good, miserably rainy day– in a city I deplore– would turn out to be one of the single most encouraging afternoons I’ve been blessed with this year?! Not me… but God knew!
But here’s the thing: I didn’t just get filled with encouragement that day. I got humbled a bit, too. Yahweh used the experience to remind me of a truth I’ve long known. HE USES ALL THINGS FOR OUR BENEFIT AND HIS GLORY. Even no-good, miserably rainy days– in noisy, congested cities, where we don’t want to be. He uses people of every race; every creed; every political mind set and every socioeconomic situation. He uses any one—and every one— who allows Him some room to work in their life!
The man who had opened the door for me that day thought he was “just” a furniture salesman. The lady behind the counter went to work that day assuming she was “just” a finance manager. Ah…. Little did they know, that on that particular day, God would use them as “ministering angels”.
Their willingness to allow His love to flow through them brought light and comfort into my day. And when I am filled up, I come here and write— with the hope of filling others up. So, what they gave me– in the way of encouragement– is still going forth, doing good things; even though they may never realize the fullness of the impact they have had. Ponder that as you think about all the “little” ways we can each make a difference in someone’s day!
It can be easy to discredit the impact we have in our bland, every day world. The enemy wants us to believe we are “just” wives; “just” moms. “Just” grandmothers. “Just” teachers. “Just” salesmen or finance managers; People without power or influence. But, let this story be a reminder that He can work ANYWHERE He has a willing servant.
So dear friends, be encouraged! Just re-commit to serving humanity with genuine kindness— where sharing His love is your ONLY agenda. Then, let Him take care of the rest. In doing this, you, too, can be one of His ministering Angels… Unaware.
The last month has been filled with a flurry of excitement for my family. Our son and daughter-in-love just had their first child, and I’ve been blessed to be able to spend some time snuggling with my precious little grandson. I probably don’t have to even tell you that he’s beautiful. Or that I am absolutely, totally and completely, in LOVE. (smile)
Now that his one month birthday is approaching, and the dust has started to settle, I’ve found myself better able to think back on the whirlwind of events leading up to his birth with tremendous gratitude.
My daughter-in-law had plotted out how she hoped the birth would go, expecting to have a natural labor and delivery experience. I prayed intensely for the Father to allow her body to relax and dilate so that she could achieve that goal. But the hours passed and, although the pain intensified, her cervix was slow to open.
I knew it has been their hope to have several children and I didn’t want those future plans complicated by a c-section birth. So, I prayed more fervently! It was a sincere and selfless prayer, born out of my love for my kids. God pays special attention to those kinds of prayers, right??
But the hours melted away and there was no progress.
An entire 24 hours passed before the doctors finally decided that they would do a cesarean. I was so frustrated that it had come to that! In all transparency, I also need to admit that I was flat out angry! I was angry that God hadn’t answered my prayer— my selfless, desperate plea for my precious daughter-in-law. I guess most of us have had a time in our life when we have questioned God’s answer (or apparent LACK of an answer). This was one of those times for me.
We sat by the phone, eager for news. It wasn’t long before our son called. Our grandson had arrived, and both he and his mom were doing great. Whew! What a sigh of relief!
He was a healthy and very BIG boy. Nine pounds and 10 ounces kind of big—-which turned out to be particularly challenging because my sweet little daughter-in-law is a mere 5’2″ and 120 pounds soaking wet.
And that’s when it hit me.
If my daughter-in-law’s cervix had dilated the way I had prayed for it to… the doctors would have allowed her labor to naturally progress. My grandson would have made his way into the birth canal… only to find himself unable to pass. The entire birth experience could have easily gone from “smooth” and “uncomplicated” to desperate and life threatening very quickly!
My prayers didn’t really go unanswered. The answer was simply—-“NO”. And we don’t LIKE “No”, do we???! Yet, in this situation, “NO” was absolutely the right call.
It didn’t matter that I was frustrated. God didn’t change His mind when He saw me get angry. He didn’t bend to my will. He didn’t let me have things my way. And when the time was right, and all the previously unknown circumstances came to light, it became obvious that HIS way WAS the better way.
And more than that? It became obvious that His “NO” was actually a BLESSING in disguise.
Now I don’t want to sound flippant. I know many of you are struggling with some overwhelmingly painful situations. (I have a few of those in my life, too!) They aren’t all solved as quickly as this. I can not promise that in every situation, the clouds will part and a perfectly beautiful blessing will float down from the heavens like a feather in the wind. In fact, there are often situations that are so painful and complex that we may never truly gain understanding until we cross over into the eternal realm.
BUT…. I CAN tell you THIS: Seeing this situation play out and having to recognize that my prayer, though selfless, was NOT what was best … and seeing the Father over-ride my prayer and do what He knew needed to be done… has been a HUGE faith-builder for me! It has given me the courage I have needed to endure other challenging situations, because now I am better able to trust that He truly IS working all things out for my good and His glory.
As my fingers peck the keyboard, my thoughts are interrupted by grunting noises coming from the bassinet beside me. My precious little grandson is waking up from his mid morning nap. He is swaddled in a soft, white blanket and for a moment, my entire world stops and I find myself making silly, exaggerated faces and ridiculous cooing noises while he squints his little eyes and soaks it all in. I’ve heard others say that being a grandparent is a real joy— but that doesn’t even BEGIN to describe the feeling.
I’m humbled. You see, this moment— and all of those that will follow— are being brought to me on the unlikely platter of Unanswered Prayers. Imagine that!
I’m going to wrap this up now so that I can get back to my grand baby. But before I go, I just need to say—if you are hurting— if you are struggling with anger or doubt regarding God’s timing—it’s okay. He understands. He realizes we are only dust and that we have a limited vantage point. He doesn’t hold those things against us. But He also doesn’t allow our temper tantrums to dictate how He operates in our life! He parents us. He makes the hard calls. He chastises. He forgives. He blesses. But He is always—-ALWAYS— working things out for our benefit and His glory.
Sometimes, the storms of life blow through, knocking branches from the trees and wrecking havoc on our plans.
When that happens?? We usually whine & kick our feet in 6 year old tantrum style. 🙄 We don’t LIKE to have our lives turned upside down! But— as is usually the case, there are two sides to every experience…
Last night’s storm DID bring branches crashing to the ground. But it ALSO brought a hefty supply of a useful lichen called “Usnea”. It usually hangs out in the highest branches, well out of my reach, but last night’s storm made it a snap to harvest!
Was the storm a “blessing”? Or a “curse”?? I guess it could be either. Or perhaps it was BOTH! For the one who doesn’t recognize Usnea as the potent herbal remedy that it is…. I guess it would be considered a curse.
But for ME?? I choose to see it as a tremendous blessing; as a heavenly gift dropped at my feet.
Now, my tincture is brewing…. AND my morning has been productive. Even tho it didn’t go as originally planned.
My friends, we can not prevent the storms of life from blowing through. But we can choose to look for the silver lining.
I’d like to introduce you to Polly—- She’s my peace lily. She is currently living in our guest house, comfortably positioned in front of a 1930’s window, overlooking the porch. She absolutely LOVES it here and her shiny, deep green leaves and new growth are testimony to that.
She’s always been such an “easy keeper”; able to live in low light conditions without much of a fuss. All she required was a cup of water a couple of times a week and a few minutes of my time each month where I would wipe the dust from her luscious leaves and cut away any old, withering growth. On occasion, she would thank me with the most unique white blooms that would jettison out of her foliage.
But last summer, we sold our house and made a radical move. I left her with one of my grown children—-just until we got settled in. I promised I would be back for her then.
The days turned to weeks, and the weeks turned into a few months. It’s not uncommon for life to happen like that. But for Polly, the time was unbearable. She had not just lost her favorite spot on our bathroom counter… she had lost the steady dependability of someone noticing the “little things” in her behavior. My daughter meant well, but she was taking a full college load of classes and holding down a full time job, so she didn’t have time to notice that Polly’s leaves were drooping and turning yellow.
By the time I settled in and came back for my plants, Polly was almost unrecognizable. Most of her foliage was brown and crusty, and what wasn’t dead was certainly in need of life support. I brought her to the new place and immediately cut away all the dead and dying leaves. There was more cut away than I was able to leave. Then I watered her and watched with deep sadness as every drop was swallowed up by the desperately thirsty soil. I really don’t know how long it had been since she had received a good soaking that had quenched her roots.
I took a step back and looked at her. She kind of looked like a shy six year old who had given herself a hair cut. It was bad. I mean…. really, really, really bad. She looked pitiful. Almost un-salvageable. I really wasn’t completely sure I could save her. But… I was certainly willing to try.
I found her a special place, on a tiny dresser, parked between two stately Queen Anne chairs in the living room of our guest house. She had a window view that overlooked the porch and back yard. I watched her intently, and at the first indication of her leaves drooping, I would water her generously. I even went so far as to take the strands of hair from my hair brush and gently tuck them in to the soil around her roots. (This might sound gross but it adds nutrients to the soil.) I rotated her pot occasionally so that each of her leaves received the benefit of sunlight.
I waited. And waited. And…. I waited some more. You see, trauma care is like that. It requires “patient enduring”. It requires an understanding of what she needs to be healthy. In Polly’s case, it was just frequent and adequate watering, and a comfy indoor spot where she could get a little bit of sunlight. She just needed me to offer faithful, tender care —even when it appeared that nothing was happening.
It took several months, but Polly has recuperated and is almost back to her old self. I’m confident that it won’t be long before she is once again vibrant enough to send up shooting blooms of gratitude. I’m eagerly— but patiently— awaiting that day.
You know, plants aren’t so different from humans. We need an environment where we can thrive, too. What that environment looks like is going to be a bit different for each of us, but we each need food, water, sunlight. We each need kindness and a little TLC every now and then.
When the balance in our life is “off”, it shows. Our health declines. Our emotional state suffers. Even our most valued relationships can be victimized by how well— or how poorly— we prioritize our time and energy.
If you can see the correlation between yourself and Polly… I want to assure you that Polly is doing well. I also want to encourage you with the reality that you can reach a place where you are healthy and thriving, too! Yes, it takes making some changes. Like in Polly’s case, I had to take the scissors and literally cut away all the dead and dying leaves that were sucking her energy. I had to remove her from an environment where her needs were going unnoticed… and plant her in a place where the things she required for optimal health were offered.
I can’t say what your specific needs are. But I bet you already know what isn’t quite “right”. Like Polly, it might require that you “cut away” some dead weight from your life. If that sentence causes you stress— don’t turn away. Let’s explore a few practical things that you might try.
Maybe your environment is too cluttered? If we’re each honest with ourselves, we probably don’t need MORE space; we most likely just need to purge from the excess we already own. We can usually do a better job of choosing the “best stuff” from all the “good stuff” we surround ourselves with.
I do this by asking myself what I would save if there were a fire. Seriously! If your house were on fire and family and pets were safe, what would be the first things you would try to get out of your home? What ever those things are? Built your decor around them. Be purposeful in your selections. Make your home a place that is filled with things you love; not just a sleeping and eating space that is cluttered with stuff!
Dig out treasured things that make you smile and display them in unique ways. Maybe that means making a shadow box with some of your children’s old toys, shoes or pictures? Maybe it’s using grandma’s quilt as a throw over the couch? Maybe it’s putting cherished photographs under glass on your coffee table. Get creative! But choose things that make your insides happy!
You might need to brighten up your space. It doesn’t cost a lot to clean and paint, yet the results can be SO refreshing! And personally, I believe a few plants always cheer a place up! If you don’t really have a green thumb, you can choose from easy to care for plants that require very little but give an awful lot. New gauze curtains are an easy way to brighten up a room, and throw pillows are a great way to add color and style without breaking the budget.
Maybe your home is in order, but your body is not?! Polly wouldn’t have regained her health with out the proper amounts of light and water—-and neither can we! Get out! Get active. It doesn’t require a gym membership. Start slowly with a walk down the road after dinner. Take your shoes off and let your toes play in the grass. Go ahead and Laugh! But if you take a few minutes to try it, you might just be surprised at how refreshed it makes you feel.
Be purposeful about what goes into your body, too. Make it a point to eat more fruit and veggies and to ditch the junk food. We all know this … we just get busy… and lazy… and try to pretend it doesn’t make that much difference. But it does! Polly would have died if I had substituted wine for water and TV time for sunshine! Please don’t get offended. Just ponder it a bit and see if any of this rings true in your life. If it does… let it motivate you!
Let me leave you with this: Environment matters. We can kid ourselves all we want. We can keep pushing ourselves until we drop. We can keep making excuses. We can keep living in denial. But it’s the truth. If we want to thrive—- we have to take a serious look at our environment and be willing to make some changes. In the end, it has worked for Polly. It is working for ME, and I’m willing to bet that it will work for you, too.
It’s the season of renewal and new births. I get to watch with excitement as new flowers pop up out of the dirt and animals tend to their young.
This morning, I was sitting in the front porch swing enjoying my coffee when I heard the faint but demanding chirps of a hungry brood of baby sparrows above me. Their momma had chosen to make a home for them in a gourd I had hung up a few months back. Their demands brought a smile to my face. It seems “littles” are demanding, no matter what their species!
Within a few minutes, their mother returned with some sort of juicy bug in her beak. She landed on the wisteria vine about 10 feet away and gave me a hard stare. I watched her curiously as she intently studied the distance between herself and her brood. I was in the middle of that equation and it was obvious that she was unsettled by my presence. Of course, I would have gladly moved to have given her more space… But that would have only scared her away. It seemed we were at a stand-still.
The babies continued their peeping. Suddenly, without any notice at all, their momma dove from the vine she was perched upon, landing on the chain of the porch swing— directly above me. I didn’t move a muscle. I even held my breath. She quickly made the short hop from the chain to the opening of their nest, deposited her insect treasure into the mouths of her hungry babies, then turned and flew away. The entire scene lasted maybe 10 seconds.
What it made me think of was….. distractions. You know…. those situations that take our minds off the important tasks we are trying to accomplish. Life is Full of them these days; now more than ever! There are dozens of things vying for our attention. Crying babies. Dirty houses. That stack of bills on the table that you don’t know how you’re going to pay. The kids need shoes. The washing machine is on its last leg. Your mother called last week and made it a point to say that it’s been a while since you have visited. Pressures mount. Stresses increase. Dozens of bells and whistles scream for our attention.
And then my mind shifted back to that little bird. She knew I was there. She instinctively knew that I might be a threat. I could have been a real distraction for her. But she had a job to do! And though she did take a minute to gather her courage, she made a conscious choice to go forward and accomplish it. I watched her closely and I saw the moment when she resolved the conflict and made a choice. I saw the resolute look in her eyes. Rather than sit back and allow fear and doubt to distract her, she determined to press forward to fulfill her duties. And she did!
As I ponder that, I feel inspired. I mean, seriously. If a tiny little sparrow can make a choice to persevere— in spite of fear and potential danger— and choose to not allow those feelings to be a distraction to her mission…. can’t I??? Can’t we all?? It’s certainly worth striving for!
So, I’ve decided that each evening, I will choose a “mission statement” for the next day. It might be something really simple. (Note to self: I will not strangle my kids today. *smile*) Or, it might be something much more difficult to pull off. (Like, Tomorrow, I’m finally going to clean out that hall closet!) But what ever the goal, I will write it down. It may be dealt with “here a little, there a little” through out my busy day, but having my goal written down on paper will help me remain focused on the finish line instead of on the distractions I encounter along the way.
This way, at the end of the day, perhaps I, too, can look back and see that I’ve accomplished the task at hand, without distraction, thanks to a mother sparrow who showed me how.
Dear friends, 
The last month has been filled with a flurry of excitement for my family. Our son and daughter-in-love just had their first child, and I’ve been blessed to be able to spend some time snuggling with my precious little grandson. I probably don’t have to even tell you that he’s beautiful. Or that I am absolutely, totally and completely, in LOVE. (smile) 
Sometimes, the storms of life blow through, knocking branches from the trees and wrecking havoc on our plans.
It’s the season of renewal and new births. I get to watch with excitement as new flowers pop up out of the dirt and animals tend to their young.