For those of us in the northern hemisphere, today marks the first day of the sun’s return to us! Starting today, each day will become a little bit lighter… and stay brighter just a little longer! With each lengthening day, the hope of spring—- and the renewal it brings— draws closer. I’ve got to admit— that’s music to my ears!!!
I have chosen today to send my last communication of the year. Before I take a much needed little winter break, I wanted to reach out to you and let you know how deeply grateful I am for YOU.
I am grateful that you have opened your hearts up to me and allowed me to share snippets of my life with you over these last five years. I hope you have been blessed by the BuiltToBeAButterfly website and I pray you have found the words I’ve shared here to be honest, inspiring and thought provoking.
The creation of a website and the maintaining of a blog were certainly wayoutside of my skill set and comfort zone! But I believed the world NEEDED encouragement, so I “put my big girl panties on” and muddled through it. It took a while to work out the technical kinks but eventually, www.BuiltToBeButterfly.com was born.
(Okay… Okay. So the kinks never really have gotten COMPLETELY worked out…. LOL…. But you always knew you could come here to the website and scroll through the posts, even when the email program out witted me) 😉
It’s certainly been a roller coaster ride of successes and failures. In some ways, it’s become way more successful than I ever dreamed. In other ways, it’s left me confused and a little disappointed. But God has blessed me through it all and has allowed me to see that I’ve blessed others as well. That is a reward I can’t put a price tag on.
That said, for the last several months, I have been praying for direction on where to take this ministry. The world we live in has definitely changed in the last couple of years. It seems most people are too busy, too overwhelmed or just too dang tired at the end of their day to sit and read. So, I’m looking at moving away from blogging.
I’m not sure what that will mean for the future of the BuiltToBeAButterfly website…
I have committed to renewing the domain for the 2022 calendar year and will continue to pay for web hosting through 2022. I will still publish posts here occasionally, but will be investing most of my time and energy into completing other writing projects that I have been working on.
In due season, you may hear more about those. 😉
While you’re waiting—– I hope you stay BRAVE!! That you promise to keep GROWING. That you give yourself the freedom to leave your cocoon and CHANGE what needs to be changed—-and that you NEVER– EVER– STOP striving to become a stronger, more beautiful version of yourself!
Here’s to all you beautiful butterflies in the making!!
You are there… When fear grows near… and courage is lost… When hope dangles on puppet strings just out of reach… When determination fails us… and our knees buckle under the weight of this world… YOU are there.
When weariness and dread flood our soul… And our own mind becomes our most deadly enemy… When our allies fail us… But our battle still rages… YOU are there.
When the ache in our bones cripples us… When the enemy’s plans over take us… When all reason and honor forsake us… YOU are there.
When skies turn black and the thunder roars… When the elements pound us and there seems no where to hide… When our heart aches with anguish that our tongue can not speak… YOU are there.
When betrayal comes from those within… And we are bombarded with the cost of our sins… When the enemy taunts us and proclaims he has won… YOU are there.
When all we have done feels for naught… And our eyes grow dim with dispair… When loss seems more familiar than gain… YOU are there.
I’ve been asked to explain how I KNOW this is true… And all I can say is… because I KNOW you! I see you in the sunlight, as the first rays touch the sky. I hear you at the seashore when the seagulls cry… I feel you as a cool breeze rustling through the trees… But I sense you the MOST when I’m down on my knees!
My Creator. My Provider. My Redeemer! My KING! YOU are there!
Tho the cost of following you is far beyond what I first presumed… And I am staggered by the reality that I still have more to pay… Tho my body aches and my soul grows weary… Tho my faith is far weaker than I ever supposed… And my circle grows smaller each day… I have the assurance that you are holding my hand… That your love is faithful… And my future, you command.
I awaken and once again drag myself out of bed… I struggle to find purpose, but often find dread. There are times I have questioned why you have left me here… Among the dead and dying, who have no reverence or fear… But that’s when I realize you are always quite near. My Creator. My Provider. My Redeemer. My King! YOU are there!
When the dreams become nightmares… When the nights are long and morning tarries… You send a friend when I’m lonely. You send direction when I’m lost. YOU are there!
You provide comfort when I am raw and battle weary. When my mouth is parched and my soul is dust… And even when I can not see past the bitterness of today… YOU… My Creator. My Provider. My Redeemer. My King! YOU ARE THERE!
***This poem is deeply personal; taken from my own trials and experiences. I share it with you in hopes that it encourages you to know you are not alone in your struggles. Our Creator is there — standing near; waiting for you to hold out your hand and invite Him to walk along side you. His creation stands as His witness and MY life stands as a testimony.
I was putting the finishing touches on an article I was writing, when the door swung open and one of my grown kiddos rushed over to the table where I was sitting. She stood there— hovering— anxiously shifting her weight from foot to foot, the way she’d do when she was little and about to burst to tell me something.
I stopped typing and shifted my eyes to hers. Immediately, she announced that an old episode of the TV series “Wife Swap” was airing that evening. It was the only episode that was really ever of any interest to me– and only then because it featured a family from the small Tennessee town we had raised our family.
Their family and ours were part of the same home-school group. Our children grew up playing together. We attended many of the same functions. The couple, my husband and I shared many of the same parenting strategies; as well as many of the same hopes, dreams, concerns, etc.
My husband set the DVR to record it, and later that week, during a rare moment alone, I decided to take a deep breath and travel back to 2006— the year the episode was filmed.
I caught myself smiling as the episode played out. Nodding in agreement with comments that were being made. I even broke out in laughter a time or two. The kids on my TV screen were all … familiar. The house, and the furnishings, were exactly as I remembered them. My friend, and her husband, responded to the challenges of the show exactly as I would have expected them to— even when so many of their core beliefs and life-style choices were under attack. Everything was — consistent. Everything was— exactly as I remembered, as if it had all been… frozen in time.
What makes that significant? Well…. in the 15 years since the show’s original taping, my friend—-the small town, Christian home-school mom, has passed away. Our children have grown up, moved out and started families of their own. My husband and I got tired of the fickle Tennessee weather; packed up, left the comforts of the quiet little town we shared and moved to the “way south”. Life has continued … and nothing… absolutely NOTHING… has stood still and passed the test of time. EVERY thing has changed.
I was scrolling through Facebook a few months back and stumbled upon the post of a mutual friend. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Well—if that’s true, this particular post was a novel— social media style.
Our friend’s husband had just gotten re-married. I scrolled through the post. There were big smiles, beautiful dresses and pretty flowers. Some of the children attended. Others did not. I’m not judging him. He had experienced 2-1/2 decades of a loving, mutually satisfying marriage with my friend. Married life suits him, and after her death, he had to be terribly, terribly lonely. It’s reasonable to think he would long to share that type of bond with someone else instead of grieving himself to a premature death.
The woman he married is someone I know; someone who had been active in our small town community and our home-school group. She is a woman of good character; gentle and kind. They will compliment one another well, and comfort each other in this new and challenging season of life. I am happy for them. Truly. But….
Yeah. There’s almost always a “but”, isn’t there?? LOL.
Here’s the thing: My friend is gone. There can be no restoration in this life time. Logically, there is no reason for her husband to spend the rest of his days on this earth navigating the dark and painful waters of life alone. But as a wife and mother myself…?? Well, I have to admit that thought of being “replaced”— of life just… continuing forward… is a bit painful. And yet, just within my own circle of friends, I’ve watched this happen several times.
It isn’t just the fact that life “goes on” —- that men tend to remarry and children grow up— that bothers me. It’s…. ??? It’s the speed in which it happens; and the reality that time is so harsh on the legacy left behind that is difficult for me!
Shouldn’t the dust be allowed to settle? Shouldn’t the memory of a devoted wife and self-sacrificing mother be immune to the ravages of time?! Can’t anything be placed in a time capsule, treasured and preserved exactly as it was in its glory days??
The harsh answer? My nasty, alter-ego quips: “Only in photo albums; home movies; and 15 year old TV series that are archived and only see the light of day every few years!”
But my spirit knows the truth! The more complete answer is… Our loved ones are preserved in the hearts and minds of everyone they ever touched. The child they rocked for hours while she had a fever? Though the child herself can no longer feel the arms of her mother wrapped around her, or smell her perfume, or even remember those moments with clarity, the memory of the love her mother shared with her is etched deep into her DNA.
The husband who has buried his life partner and “moved on”?? Perhaps it wasn’t as “easy” as social media makes it seem. After all, we all realize that what is put on social media is usually a sanitized, unrealistic, bird’s-eye view of reality. It is rare that someone will post snapshots of their tear stained pillow or agonizing struggle with depression. The world simply doesn’t want to see those things! In addition to that, we have become a society who shares what is pleasant—- comfortable— “light-weight”. We have allowed no place for “heaviness” on Social Media.
The cold hard truth is: Some times, disagreements occur that cause rifts which separate loved ones. Occasionally—messy, painful divorces occur. Children grow up. Houses get sold. Death can unexpectedly burst through our life like a wrecking ball; turn our world upside down and change the course of our life forever!!! We can’t stop that…
Yet, even when those kinds of things happen—eventually— there will be new experiences. New friendships will be made. New relationships forged. Homes that will be purchased. Gardens that will be sown and harvested. Little children will leave our homes and make families of their own. Some times, we will get to be a part of those experiences… some times, not. But life… as a cycle… will continue. The sun will rise and set, whether we would prefer it to or not!
But that doesn’t change the fact that NONE of us is truly “replaceable”. We are each the uniquely made children of our Supreme Creator. We each have a purpose… and an impact … on all the lives we touch while we are here. And… our impact often goes forward and continues to touch others long after we are gone. (Grief is proof of that!!)
So, my friend—if today finds you struggling with the heaviness of loss, I want to gently remind you that life is for the LIVING. Those of us who have been “left behind” have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
What that looks like will be different for each of us. For one mother of a child killed by a drunk driver, it was the establishment of M.A.D.D. (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers). For John Walsh, the father of Adam Walsh, the little boy who was kidnapped and murdered in the 1980s, it was a TV series called “America’s Most Wanted”, where he could put his passion to good use locating criminals and putting them behind bars.
Some aching hearts create foundations that offer help to those experiencing situations similar to their own. Others throw themselves into community service. Many of the rest simply hold their memories close to their heart and walk down the isle— into the hope of finding happiness again.
As I sit here pondering it all, I finally realize that it usually isn’t “replacement” that we are striving for. (The wise realize that isn’t possible anyway.) We simply want to feel alive in the way we did before our loss. And some times, moving forward—while holding fast to all the love we have ever known— is the best way to do that.
A few weeks ago, an acquaintance reached out to me. She is a physically beautiful woman with kind eyes, a radiant smile and a countenance that lights up a room. In her note, she was quite complimentary of my work and repeatedly mentioned that she had always felt a connection with me—feeling that we have likely walked some of the same places and overcome similar challenges.
As I read her words, my insides began to feel warm and fuzzy. She’s an accomplished author and public speaker, so her words of validation held a great deal of weight and my thirsty soul soaked them up as gratefully as a traveler through a dusty desert would appreciate a cold glass of water. I felt acknowledged. Appreciated. Included. Validated. A smile crossed my face.
Then…. It happened. I got to the last two paragraphs of her letter. That’s when my countenance fell. There was an “invitation” to join an organization of people just like “us”, who would provide a network of like-minded folks for us to work alongside and glean from. This “golden, ground floor opportunity” was only being offered to a “very select few” of her friends—a handful of talented, sensitive people like ME—whom she is eager to get to know better and work with. And the BEST part? I can choose to be a part of all this camaraderie for the bargain basement price of only… $50 a month.
I went from 60 to zero in 3.7 seconds. My insides ached. I felt deceived. Tricked. And terribly, terribly foolish. That little voice in my head taunted me. “She wanted something from you! Of course she did! People ALWAYS want something from you!” I literally sat there, reading and re-reading her words, and felt like I was drowning in a flash flood of emotion that came out of NO where and was about to sweep me away! I was startled by the intensity of the sting I felt! It truly hurt all the way to my core!
Now, I want to take a step back and clarify. She seems to be a fantastic lady, and her motives may have been completely pure! Truthfully, I have no reason to think otherwise. She may have actually been familiar with my work. She may have heard me speak somewhere. Her invitation may have been completely legitimate and her interest sincere. In fact, I may have just turned down an opportunity to work with someone who has credible inside knowledge of a difficult-to-crack industry and real connections!
(*Cue that hateful little voice in my head. It is laughing hysterically as I write this. It keeps saying things like, “Yep! That’d be YOUR luck! Haha! Maybe you should have told her you’d do it. It’s like agreeing to be a part of a “rent a friend” club! And you KNOW you could use some new friends!”)
But I silence the voice and keep typing. I made the right call, and I know it. Here’s why…
I’m finally old enough and wise enough to realize that when something sparks that much raw emotion in us, it’s an indication of a nasty wound that is hiding somewhere in the depths of our weary souls. From my reaction, this wound was old… and deep. And filled with years of dirt, debris and scar tissue.
My first reaction, of course, was to ratchet all that unpleasantness down and sweep it under the proverbial rug. (Avoidance is ALWAYS my “go to” reaction! LOL) But my “rug” has grown lumpy from doing that over the years, so I decided to be brave and investigate it further. I wanted to finally be free of whatever this was—- even if that meant I had to dig deep and endure an alcohol and iodine bath.
(Did that phrase just betray my Southern heritage??! Probably so. But I digress.) To translate, that means I finally decided that I needed to figure out where all of this pain and insecurity were coming from. I needed to face it and clean it up —even if it was a painful process. Then— and only then— could I expect to finally heal from it and move on. I prayed earnestly for insight.
It came as a nagging question. “Child, when was the very first time you were left out? Excluded? Made to feel like an outcast—-unwanted and tossed aside?”
I sighed. I recognized that “voice”. It’s how the Father speaks to me. His voice is quiet but firm. Full of gentle strength and tenderness. It is never taunting like my alter ego. It continued…
“I want you to go back there for a brief moment, only THIS time, I want you to be mindful that I am here, holding your hand. I want you to let yourself feel those feelings. I want you to remember those tears. Yes, it’s going to hurt a bit, but I want you to remember that I love you and I will never let you go. I want to show you that there was purpose in your pain.”
I sighed again. My mind began to wander back over the years, speeding past an assortment of life events, big and small, the way an old VCR tape would do.
When my thoughts stopped spinning, I found myself in 3rd grade. That was when I learned how important it was to get the approval of “Connie”, the most popular girl in class. It was Connie, the girl with chestnut brown, waist length hair, and all the pretty clothes who seemed to have the final say of whether or not you could play on the swings at the same time as the “in” crowd. It was Connie whose invitation to sit at her table during lunch could make… or break… your perceived value. It was Connie who decided when we would play four-square and when we would play kick ball. And it was Connie who always told us who would play on what team. Yes, It might have been the teacher who handed out the report cards, but trust me when I say that it was Connie who had already graded your worth!
I wasn’t smiling any more. Yesterday’s pain was knocking on today’s door.
I felt an odd mixture of loneliness and sadness. Frankly, it surprised me that all these years later, something as “simple” and petty as a childhood clique could actually be the root of so much hidden insecurity and heartache. And that’s when my adult brain made the connection. It wasn’t “just” 3rd grade Connie. There have been MANY Connies in my life over the years.
There was that group of “mean girls” in Junior High School. And that boy who broke my heart. There was that girl in high school who pretended she was dying to be my friend, when in fact, she knew I was like a kid sister to a boy she had a crush on and she used me to gain access to him. Yes, there have even been “Connies” in my adult life— those who only called when they wanted something. Those who were “friends” —all the way up to the point where I needed to lean on them for a change…
You know the ones. We’ve all had them cross our paths every so often. It always hurts to realize that they were much more important to you than you were to them.
And, that was the last straw. Yesterday’s pain KICKED open the door. I felt 9 years old again. The dam broke and one experience after another flooded my recollection. There were “Connies” EVERY WHERE! By this time, big ugly, crocodile tears were streaming down my face. I felt so cheap. Dirty. Manipulated. Used. STUPID. I was about to go full blown pity party!
But God…
That’s when He stopped me in my tracks. He squeezed my wounded soul and brought me back to 2019. I took a deep breath. I felt so …. Tired. Drained. Empty. Working through our issues does that, friends. But that’s when He made good on His promise and pulled back the veil of confusion so that I could gain understanding.
“Child”, He said, “Yesterday’s pain doesn’t have to linger on today’s doorstep! I know those things hurt. But I want to show you the bigger picture. Your feelings are intense. You love very deeply and… that does make you more vulnerable to heartache. You thought that because those things were hurtful, they were inherently “bad”. But the truth is, you were in training. You see, you learn best through experience. You always have. I needed you to understand— to truly understand— how deeply the pain of rejection can wound the human spirit. I needed you to know what being left out, cast aside, and over looked REALLY looked like. Only then could I grow the compassion and empathy in you that would eventually be so encouraging to others.”
And that was my jaw-dropping moment. Pain, yes. But pain with a purpose! God vows to use ALL THINGS for our good and His glory. And this was the opportunity He chose to reveal how He had made good on that promise in MY life. As I look back over my life and this ministry, I can see that it was the heartache that tenderized my spirit and grew compassion in me. It was the pain of rejection that grew into my fiercely protective loyalty and my dogged search for the overlooked, discarded, “under-dogs” of society!
I looked in the mirror. My mascara was smeared all down my tear stained face. I was tired, yet oddly at peace. I can bring up these memories now and see them in a different light. It’s all very “matter of fact” now. There is no puss-filled, toxic infection brewing. And, my spirit is lighter. It was SO worth the effort!
Now back to how the story started –that acquaintance with an agenda. Her offer probably is legit. And, it might be a wonderful opportunity. But not for THIS season in my life. And I finally gathered the courage to tell her that. If it’s truly the right move for me, my Heavenly Father will bring it back around once I’m better prepared for it. He’s proven that He’s faithful like that, over and over again.
So guess what? The very day I sat down to commit all of this paper, a very dear and trusted friend called me out of the blue. She wants us to work together to plan a ladies conference, where patterns of brokenness can be identified and healed! Hmmm! If I’d over ridden my emotion and swept it all under the rug—- had I rejected embracing the pain and jumped for the first glittery thing I was offered—I’d currently be too committed to embrace this task. And that’s when it hit me. All things truly DO work out for the best when we lay ourselves bare on God’s alter and allow Him to do His miraculous work in us!
Friends, some of the topics I cover are not easy to write about. But, I hope my transparency helps you find the courage to do your own housekeeping; to bring the skeletons out of the closet, to “bury the dead” and get on with the business of your BEAUTIFUL LIFE. It is absolutely worth the effort.
Those of you who follow us on Instagram know that we were in sunny southern California last week. My husband and I took our oldest daughter along with us. She has been struggling through a particularly grueling college semester, and we had hopes of giving her a bit of refreshment during spring break.
While there, she wanted to see all the typical tourists spots in Los Angeles. So…. we carved out a day to explore Griffith Park—home of the infamous Hollywood sign, the observatory and some of the most fantastic views in all of LA. Then, we headed over to check out the Walk of Fame and Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.
It was a bright, sunny day. Hordes of tourists were wandering the “strip”. We arrived in front of the theatre to find that it, too, was full of people— all bumping into one another as they struggled to find impressions of the hands/feet and signatures of their favorite Hollywood stars in the concrete beneath their feet.
It was pretty obvious where the most famous blocks were. All you had to do was follow the crowds. Clumps of people, selfie sticks in hand, were gathered around the spots where Marilyn Monroe and Jimmy Stewart had made their marks.
I had been there before, so I wasn’t as interested in finding the prominent stars. I was able to leisurely wander the area at my own pace, and observe what wasn’t being observed. You see, every square foot of the vast entrance to the theatre has been filled with 3×3 foot blocks of concrete, all signed and “stamped” with the hand and foot prints of the rich and famous. Yet…. many of those immortalized there are now obscure; long forgotten by the masses.
And THAT is when it happened….
I had the sudden realization that everyone represented here was once very well known. Probably wealthy. Definitely in the public eye. An object of adoration…. yet now, decades later, a crowd of spectators walked over their block without even giving them a second look. Their space was simply a means to an end— the
path which had to be taken in order to get to some place we wanted to go.
Many of these American icons are dead and gone. Their images are recorded in the movies they left behind, but the greatest part of who they were has vanished like smoke on a windy day. Yes, their names are immortalized in concrete… but most of ours will be one day, too. (It’s called a tombstone, folks!) In the end, whether a name is written on the Hollywood walk of fame or on a slab of stone in a cemetery, it really won’t make a difference.
You see, no matter who we are, or how much we have, we all come to an end. We grow old; our life force drains; and our physical bodies return to the dust from which they were formed. All that remains of us here in this earthly realm is the legacy we have left behind.
What have we stood for? How have we spent our time? What is important to us? And most importantly, does how we spend our time reflect those things??
We each have 24 hours in our day—-That’s a whopping 8,760 hours each calendar year. Regardless of age, sex, race or financial status—we each get the same amount of hours in our year. And… we are each bound by the same restriction—- we can only use them ONCE, and then, they are gone forever. I guess it is fair to say—-Time is a great equalizer!
Friends, every day is a fresh start. A new beginning! An opportunity to renew our commitment to the things in our lives which are important to us. Every moment is valuable. One day, no matter who we are or what we have accumulated, our time will be up. Our names will be written in stone and our lives will be summarized by the dash between the dates of our birth and death. The years will pass, and eventually the time will come when no one even remembers who we were.
Don’t let that depress you! Let it MOTIVATE YOU!! Determine what really matters and focus on those few things. Be purposeful. Spend the moments wisely. Appreciate the “little things”, because real living only starts when we take the time to notice and appreciate what most people rush past and overlook!
Train yourself to be painfully aware that time is finite! Then, vow to live your life in such a way that when your time is spent, you can leave here knowing the world is a better place because you were in it! I am grateful that our brief time on the Walk of Fame reminded me of this!
Do you see this picture? It’s been “one of those days”. Actually, it’s been “one of those months”. Heck. You know… if I’m totally honest, it’s been one of those YEARS! In fact, as I think back over the entire course of my existence, this picture pretty much sums up my life! And I’m not being negative. I’m being totally transparent.
Oh, I might be a slightly overweight, middle aged mother of five in the flesh… But on the inside, where it really counts, I am a warrior princess; weary and bloody from the battles I’ve fought! I AM the woman in this picture. And I bet many of you can identify with her as well.
In this world, we are defined by our physical traits. We might be “white”, “black”, “Latino”, “middle eastern”, or “Asian”. We might be called “tall”, “short”, “thin” or “heavy”. We are categorized as “daughters”, “sisters”, “wives” and “mothers”. We might be labeled students, home makers, home-schoolers, entrepreneurs, employees or “seniors”. Yes, society is always trying to put a label on us, based upon our physical traits and our “position” in life. It is human nature to categorize; to sum a person up by his or her individual parts and pieces.
But our eyes deceive us! Our eyes tend to look at the outward package and discredit what they can not “see”. Dear friends, what I want us to do today is to look beyond the exterior. I want us to look at ourselves the way YHWH, the God of Abraham, looks at us! I want us to use spiritual discernment that cuts through the physical and touches the realm where our Heavenly Father dwells.
You see, each one of us is the daughter of the King of the Universe. That makes each of us a Princess by birth! As His daughters, each of us was given a package of “royal gifts” at the moment of our conception, to be used for strengthening and glorifying His Kingdom. Each of us has been given a life customized to prune and tweak those giftings. The entire purpose of our physical life is to turn dainty little princesses into Warriors! Women of Courage; of Principle; of Honor. A unique blend of strength and softness; of passion and mercy. Yes my friends….by design, our Heavenly Father created woman to be… a Warrior Princess!
Is your path a difficult one? Of course it is! A warrior can not be formed from comfort! Do you have scars? I HOPE so! (Does that shock you? Are you wondering why I would say such a thing??) Why on earth would I suggest that scars are a “good thing”???
Well my friends, if you have scars, it means you’re a fighter!! You see, you don’t get scarred floating down the river of life. You get scarred clashing against the rocks of life! You get scarred from swimming upstream against the current, fighting for the things in life you have deemed important. You might have scars from your childhood, because you endured situations that the enemy set up to distract you from your calling. You might have scars of insecurity from dealing with petty, mean-spirited people during those turbulent teenage years. You might be battle wounded from fighting for your marriage, against a barrage of outside forces. And of course, for those of us with children, we would likely all agree that raising a family is not a task for the faint of heart! You see….If you have scars, it means you are NOT dead! You are a survivor ! You are not as weak, frail or as broken as the world classifies you!! THAT is why I hope you have scars! They are your “proof” that you can overcome!
Our society tells us that only a slender, youthful, perfectly contoured, bronzed body is beautiful. The world says “Hide those scars at all cost!”. But I am here today to challenge that! I am here to suggest that our scars are our testimony!! They are evidence of a faithful God, working behind the scenes in our life…making good on His promises to work “all things together for the good of them who love God…” (Romans 8:28) and to make “everything beautiful in His time…” (Ecclesiastes 3:11).
Ladies, we guard the thresholds of our homes. We nurture and protect our young. We fight for the causes we are passionate about. And, we do all of these things while we hold down jobs, cook meals, keep up with the laundry, read bed time stories and tuck children in their beds at night. I say that makes us multifaceted forces to be reckoned with!!! And the enemy KNOWS that! That’s why he tries so hard to bring us down!
Our scars are proof of our Heavenly Father’s redemption at work in us!! Yes, we might be exhausted. We might be discouraged, wounded and battle-weary. But we don’t have to be defined by our failures; our hurts; or our scars. We are Over-comers— Warrior Princesses, capable of mighty things!
We should spend our days praying for peace, but preparing for battle, for our enemy is always on the prowl waiting to devour those who are down for the count. HaSatan is always plotting against us, hopeful that he can make us question the authority we have been given! Ladies, this broken, hurting world NEEDS Warrior Princesses who will fight with everything they have in them. The weak need us. The tired need us. The hurting need us. Our families need us. Our “tribe” needs us. There will be days when we are the only thing standing between the enemy and our loved ones! So with that in mind, I propose we each get up, dust ourselves off, wipe the sweat from our brow, the tears from our cheek and get back in the game! Here’s to you, Warrior Princess! Go forth and conquer!
The wind blew, and dozens of little white puffs of fluff began to float through the air, each carrying a tiny seed. I stood in my garden, mesmerized, as I watched them make their way through the sky. Some bumped into the fence that surrounds my garden, and dropped into the fishpond. A few got caught up in the branches of a nearby tree. Only a handful or so made it over the fence, past the tree and in to the outer realm of the yard to parts unknown.
Each of those little puffs carried the possibility of life. In fact, a seed pod contains such a vast number of seeds, that just one plant could produce thousands of offspring! But…. alas; only a few actually made it out of the garden and to a place that would allow them to prosper.
I thought about how vulnerable a process it was to be tossed about by the wind; blown to and fro in whatever direction it takes them, with out any say so or control about where they’d end up. It made me grateful that we don’t have to be subject to outside forces like that. We don’t have to follow the wind where it blows! We get the opportunity to make Purposeful choices!! We get to chart our path and determine where we land!
But then, my mind turned to symbolic “fences”, “ponds”, and “trees” … You know. All the things in our personal life that have a tendency to become obstacles. Things like…FEAR! Is it a “fence” in your life? Does it “fence” you in? Limit your activities? Does it limit your ability to reach outside your comfort zone and sample new things? Don’t be ashamed. None of us are immune to fear. But, it doesn’t mean we have to live our entire life trapped inside our comfort zone, either!
What do we fear? We fear the unknown. We fear isolation, abandonment, rejection and loss. We fear embarrassment and failure. Did you know that we can even fear success???! Yep! Even the thought of highly sought after success can be stressful and produce fear.
Why do we fear? Ultimately, fear is caused by the expectation of pain. Think about that. When we are fearful, we are actually anticipating some manner of pain, and that anxiety produces a knee-jerk reaction in us to withdraw; to protect ourselves; to hide, and maybe even to self medicate.
But here’s a simple truth: If we can’t find the way out of our restrictive little comfort zones, we can’t begin to explore new territory and plant new ‘seeds’ in our lives. That means if we can’t find a way to confront our fears— “this” is all we will ever achieve in life. Whatever level of personal or professional success you are currently in will be IT. FOREVER. Please ponder that. If we’re too fearful to sow “seeds” for tomorrow, we will stay stuck in a “survival mode”. There will never be the joy of a future “harvest”. The only way we will ever thrive and live an abundant life is to find a way to move beyond our fears!
But today’s post isn’t just about the fear. It’s about breaking FREE from fear. It’s about living and making choices that are purposeful! It’s about waking us up from a deep slumber and forcing ourselves to look at the hidden, deeply ingrained fears inside of us which prohibit us from reaching our fullest potential. The fear is already there, inside of each of us. By confronting our fears, we are doing the dirty work of bringing them out into the open; digging up the obstacles in the garden of our life that are holding us back! Admitting our fears doesn’t make them worse; it actually gives way to healing.
By now, some of you are probably screaming, “Hey……Wait a minute! Where’s the happy-go-lucky, encouraging blog we’re used to??” Don’t worry. It will be back. But today, I want to encourage you to push yourself a little bit! Take out a little notebook and list the things you are afraid of. Be honest with yourself. Are you afraid of death? Getting really sick? Loosing a child? Divorce? Financial calamity? Failure? The “coming apocalypse”? Whatever your fears, I would strongly encourage you to get them down on paper. Why? Because they are already inside of you, eating away at your energy, your courage and your strength!! When we acknowledge our fears, we are essentially taking the boogie man out of the closet. When we face them, they begin to loose their power.
Next to each fear you have listed, I want you to write down the benefit that has come from your stressing about it. For example, if you are concerned about your finances, maybe you have put yourself on a very restrictive budget and have been able to put some extra money in savings because of it. If that’s the case, this would be a “benefit” that stems from your financial fear. If you are fearful about your health, perhaps have you started eating healthier and are currently enrolled in an exercise program that you faithful attend. If so, this would also be a “benefit” brought to you by your fear.
Sadly, you will probably find that not every fear comes with a corresponding “benefit”. In fact, most of them are saddled with heavy consequences; ones that do not bring peace, joy or prosperity. How can we address those? We turn to the greatest counsel of all time— The Bible. Our Heavenly Father has told us how to root these weeds out of our garden. Below, I’ve listed 10 beautiful verses where His Word tells us how to think:
Proverbs 23:7, “For as a man think in his heart, so is he…” (If you are speaking down to yourself, calling yourself names, treating yourself like dirt…. guess what?? You get what you speak! Speak Life!)
2 Corinthians 10:5, “Take every thought captive” (We can’t always stop ourselves from thinking a negative thought. But we don’t have to water and nurture it, either! Grab those nasty thoughts as soon as they pop into your head and purposefully replace them with a positive one!)
Romans 12:2, “Be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (What a person thinks about becomes part of him. Choose what you feed your mind wisely!)
Psalm 27:1, “YHWH is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? YHWH is the stronghold of my life– of whom shall I be afraid?” (Those who place their faith in God do not have to agonize over every aspect of their life. They can trust that Almighty God loves them and will guide and protect them!)
Ephesians 4:23, “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind” (Think about this. Would God tell you to do something He knows you can’t do???! Of course not! His Word tells us that our minds CAN be renewed; reprogrammed; rewired to focus on quality things.)
Ephesians 4:31, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger and outcry, and slander, be put away from you” (These emotions suck our life force, drain our energy and render us vulnerable and ineffective! Ditch them! We don’t forgive others for Their benefit! We forgive them for OURS!)
Philippians 4:8, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things and the God of peace with be with you.” (Basically, He is telling us to replace our bad thoughts, worries and fears with Positive ones; that we can actually train our brains to focus on the admirable things in life!)
John 14:27, “My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be trouble and do not be afraid.” (What a beautiful Gift He has offered to us!)
Matthew 6:34 “Do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.” (See? God tells us that worrying ADDS trouble. It never prevents it!)
Psalm 34:4 “I sought YHWH, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” (Friends, it says ALL. Not some. Not most. And just so you grow in confidence, EVERY translation I found says ALL.)
For this week’s project: FACE your fears! LIST your fears! Write down any “benefit” you have received from them. Then, go back and re-read the 10 verses above —out loud— and repeat them to yourself as you go about the process of reprogramming your mind.
Next, find 3 things to be grateful for each and every day. Name those things —out loud!! Finally, when you catch yourself saying something negative about yourself or your life, “punish” yourself by saying something Good about yourself –out loud. Our words have power, and our brains react to what we speak out loud.
Is this the magic cure all? No, your life won’t change over night. Life doesn’t work that way. But when we till up the “weeds” in our head, we make room to plant new seeds. Those new seeds can be whatever you choose to plant; whatever it is that makes you joyful, productive and fulfilled. We DO reap what we sow; and when we sow Good things into our life, we will reap good things in due time because our life will no longer be on auto pilot, operating out of subconscious fear. When we apply these principles in our life, our “life gardens” will flourish and nurture all sorts of beautiful things, just as His Word promises!
I love gardening. I really do. I love scouring through catalogs during the dead of winter, daydreaming of enchanting outdoors rooms. I love the thought of brunches eaten on patios as whiffs of fragrant blossoms fill the air. I don’t even mind the hands on “dirty work”; like the digging and weeding. But I DO hate one aspect of gardening with a Passion—and that is the pruning process!
For those of you who don’t do much gardening, pruning is when the gardener has to come through her garden spaces and evaluate the progress of her plants and trees. She has to single out those plant groups which have grown too thick and pull some of them out by the roots. (Good, healthy plants, mind you!) She has to consider each plant’s needs and cull away nearby plants which interfere. Any thing which has grown too thick or so tall that it shades other sun-lovers is targeted. Even the stems with gorgeous blooms are not immune. If it gets in the way of other plants getting what they need, it’s snipped! It’s a necessary process if you want healthy plants that reach their full potential.
If it sounds tough—-it IS. It’s my least favorite part of gardening. Oh, I understand the science behind it. And yes, I realize it’s an essential part of maintaining the garden of my dreams. But it is so hard to cut away beautiful, healthy growth! My heart just aches as the pruning sheers trim back the branches and dozens of unopened blooms fall to the ground, never to kiss the sun with the fullness of their potential.
Their only fault? It isn’t the proper time; or this isn’t the appropriate space for all they have to offer. They are just … “too much”. So, even though they possess the promise of great beauty, and even though I hate to do it, I …..I cut them back. I prune. And even though it pains me for a little while, the remaining plants have room to grow and the reward my garden offers as thanks is more than worth it. Every. Single. Time.
As I take a long, hard look at life, I am forced to see that the ebb and flow of people meandering through it is subject to the pruning process as well. There are 7 billion people on this planet; most of them beautiful, kind, talented souls. But there is no way any of us can maintain intimacy with such a vast number of humans! So usually we limit ourselves to a manageable number, compiled from an eclectic selection of childhood friends, college room mates, co workers, etc.
As our individual world’s change, the friends we surround ourselves with do as well. Most of the time, it happens quietly, with very little conscious awareness, just like the seasons fade from one to the next. But occasionally, it feels a lot like the “pruning sessions” a gardener must perpetrate. When that occurs, whether you are the one with the pruning sheers in your hand, or…. you are the blossoms that fall to the ground…. the experience never ceases to be painful.
But, once again, the pain doesn’t automatically mean it’s unnecessary.
“People pruning” occurs for countless reasons. People move. Interests change. Misunderstandings and offenses go unaddressed. The list of reasons is as endless as the people who make them. Some times, both sides can clearly see the reason behind it. But many times, understanding eludes us.
It leaves me thinking about those sunflowers that were towering over my antique rose bush last week. They were blocking my rose bush from getting the sun it desperately needs. They were gorgeous. They were…..simply in the wrong place. I guess they didn’t understand when I pulled them up and tossed them aside. But, my entire garden plan was laid out around that rose and if I had left them, the rose bush would have died.! I could not compromise the mission of my garden for a handful of sunflower sprouts that wound up there completely by accident!! I have to be more purposeful than that; and if this is true about a garden, how much more so is it true about the relationships in our lives?
There are times when we may not understand the reasons behind changes in our relationships. It just “is”. Perhaps, like my sunflowers, the “time” and “place” just weren’t “right”. Does this grieve our hearts? Most definitely. Loss usually stings! But when we take a few steps back, and allow ourselves the benefit of a fresh perspective, we can usually see benefits from these “people prunings”, just as we see them in our garden.
In our heads, we all understand that None of us has the ability to maintain endless numbers of relationships. We each realize that we must be guarded and purposeful with our personal resources. We all know we must be willing to welcome the natural ebb and flow of people and experiences in our lives. And, we also are aware that loss is an unavoidable part of life. Yes, the head understands. It’s the heart that has trouble “getting it”.
I can’t keep it from hurting. I can’t even speed up the healing process for you. But I can assure you, through my experiences in both the garden and “life”, that pruning brings beauty; that beauty brings gratitude. And that beauty Plus gratitude eventually bring peace, even to the most weary of souls.
Friends, take time to “prune your garden”. Don’t be afraid to remove the people who don’t contribute. Cut back on the folks who suck up too much of your limited resources. Dig up and toss away those who only bring negativity. Offer more time to those who bring joy into your world. Nurture the people who are helping you reach your full potential. And, make room for new people— even if it means pruning some old ones away. It’s not easy work, but your efforts will be blessed, and the “garden” of your life will bloom as a result!
Obstacles. We all encounter them. Some are pebbles which—some how— make it into our shoe and become mild irritations. Others are big enough for us to notice right away. We have to bend down, pick them up and toss them to the side. A few require us to shovel our way through dirt and debris to dislodge them. We may even break a sweat in the process.
But every once in a great while, we encounter a boulder; a “rock” so embedded in our life that a shovel isn’t the right tool. It just can’t do the job. You can dig; you can sweat; you can pry. But….that boulder you’re trying to move doesn’t even budge. THAT is when we must recognize the strengths and limitations of the tools we have. We can force that shovel to keep going—–to do a job it was not designed to do. But oftentimes, the shovel is broken in the process. And a broken shovel is of use to no one!
We can strive and struggle with that boulder and our limited equipment, or…. we can reach for a tool which was specifically created to get the job done. In the case of real life landscaping, that would be a “digging bar”. This tool is fashioned from iron and with enough force behind it, it could likely penetrate a brick wall. It is usually at least 6-7 feet long. Its length allows the operator to use the principle of leverage, essentially giving the user significantly more moving power than she would ever have on her own. It never bends. There is no fear of it breaking under pressure. When properly wielded, it gets the job done. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!
While a garden is the perfect analogy for our individual lives, the tools we use are a reflection of our spiritual gifts. We each have the Father’s perfect will and instructions laid out to us in His Word. We each have the ability to petition Him and beg for His help when we encounter obstacles. We all have previous life experiences we can apply to current situations, that give us insight. We each have morals that tether us and give us a certain amount of fortitude to remove the obstacles we encounter.
But where is the tool we turn to when we have given it all that we have and we still can not find break-through? Where is our spiritual “digging bar”?? Dear friends, our spiritual digging bar is found in the collection of believers who are willing to come together with us and pray in unity with us on a matter. It is the collective prayers of our brothers and sisters, standing with us during our trials, which help us root out the boulders in our life and become overcomers! While we are but “shovels”—strong yet limited—a group of true prayer warriors is an implement of iron, which will magnify our success exponentially! They allow us to “dig deep” and impart a power in our lives which will literally move boulders.
I have been blessed with a handful of true Warriors in my life. They are loving people—but they don’t coddle me! They often come into my life like a spring storm; demanding that I shake off the dust of pity and doubt and get back in the game! They have seen the spiritual gifts I have been given in action, and they hold me accountable for walking in them. They are my “digging bar”!
In all honesty? It’s been a week of spiritual struggle for me. I’ve been tired, frustrated…discouraged and even a little bit angry. So, it’s no coincidence that the Father prodded one of those Warriors to reach out to me this morning. She picked up on the struggle, and brought both a rebuke and encouragement with her as she spoke to me. We ended our conversation promising to pray for one another; willingly standing in the gap, pounding away at the boulders we are each facing in our lives. She is one of several trusted Warriors which make up my “digging bar”. You see, we may be mere “shovels” on our own….but together we make a POWERFULLY MOVING force that gets things done! (Can I get a HALLELUYAH on that one, friends??!)
But I’m not unique. This is a tool the Father desires each of us to have at our disposal. If you don’t have this in place, prayerfully ask Him for it. He loves to give good gifts to His children!
And in case you’re wondering, yes—the picture above was taken in my personal garden. The boulder was real and it had to be removed so the gorgeous hibiscus I am planting there can thrive. Yet, all the tenacity and energy I was throwing at it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t “wish” it away. I couldn’t budge it by digging around it with a shovel. But the digging bar made light work of it.
The point of all of this? Don’t use a “shovel” where a “digging bar” is needed! Plug in to a community of believers. Dig deep. Use all of the tools at your disposal. Search out a “digging bar” of iron that will cover you in prayer and insist that you give it everything you’ve got! Then, Dig those “boulders” out of your “garden” so the seeds the Father is planting in you can thrive!! Is the effort worth it??
Well….. here’s what’s growing where that boulder used to be!
I love mornings in my garden. I meander through its paths, observing all the new blossoms, picking weeds as I go. Occasionally, I catch a baby bunny, nibbling on my flowers. Once, I interrupted a chipmunk who was planting a stash of sunflower seeds that he’d stolen from my bird feeder. This morning, my eyes caught sight of a bumble bee, working diligently to gather pollen.
I grabbed my camera, certain that she would fly away before I could get a good shot. But, amazingly, she allowed me to get remarkably close. In fact, she seemed oblivious that I was even there. I snapped several pictures in rapid succession. I got so close that I could make out all the intricate details in her wings.
As I watched her work, I couldn’t help but be impressed with her diligence and focus. I made my way closer, inch by inch and yet, she never even acknowledged my presence. She had work to be done, and she committed herself to if fully. It is what she has been created to do, and instinctively, she knows it. She is ….going about her Father’s business!
It made me think: In my garden, there are many flowers. What if she had flittered around from place to place, never fully processing the pollen available to her? The answer is easy. She wouldn’t have been nearly as successful in her mission. That lead me to ask myself some difficult questions:
Do I do the work I’m here on this earth to do— without distraction? Or do I allow the situations which “sneak up” on me to take me away from the task at hand?
Do I allow what others think of me to steal my intensity? Or am I confident enough in my calling to just DO-THE-WORK?!
Do I let myself get caught up in what everyone else is accomplishing? Or, do I focus on my specific mission— with passion and purpose?
Do I get lost in a sea of options, never truly committing to the handful of manageable projects I know are most important? Or, do I follow through with my tasks, decently and in order, until I am confident I’ve gleaned all there is to glean?
Do I tend to juggle more than I can possibly handle, and wind up feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by my limited success???! Or do I understand the value of time and how important it is to be purposeful in every minute that I have?
The truth is, we can learn a lot from watching this little insect go about her day! And, in case you are wondering? No…. I haven’t mastered these things. But through observing the Master’s creation, I am starting to figure it out. And today, I am a couple of steps closer because a little bumble bee showed me what it looks like to Be About Our Father’s Business!
I was putting the finishing touches on an article I was writing, when the door swung open and one of my grown kiddos rushed over to the table where I was sitting. She stood there— hovering— anxiously shifting her weight from foot to foot, the way she’d do when she was little and about to burst to tell me something. 
I love gardening. I really do. I love scouring through catalogs during the dead of winter, daydreaming of enchanting outdoors rooms. I love the thought of brunches eaten on patios as whiffs of fragrant blossoms fill the air. I don’t even mind the hands on “dirty work”; like the digging and weeding. But I DO hate one aspect of gardening with a Passion—and that is the pruning process!
Obstacles. We all encounter them. Some are pebbles which—some how— make it into our shoe and become mild irritations. Others are big enough for us to notice right away. We have to bend down, pick them up and toss them to the side. A few require us to shovel our way through dirt and debris to dislodge them. We may even break a sweat in the process.
I love mornings in my garden. I meander through its paths, observing all the new blossoms, picking weeds as I go. Occasionally, I catch a baby bunny, nibbling on my flowers. Once, I interrupted a chipmunk who was planting a stash of sunflower seeds that he’d stolen from my bird feeder. This morning, my eyes caught sight of a bumble bee, working diligently to gather pollen.