Hello my friends,
Welcome back! Today, we’re going to approach a topic that is often considered taboo in Christian culture. It’s the overlooked, under-addressed emotion of F-E-A-R.
There are certainly different types and levels of fear. This short article won’t cover the panicked fear of true self-preservation; where life and death are actually at play. That kind of fear is understood and validated by our culture.
Today, we’re looking at a much sneakier opponent— the quiet, nagging fear that undermines our goals and slowly nibbles away at our hopes and dreams. I believe we are ALL familiar with that brand of fear, we have just been trained to push it inward and cover it up. It certainly isn’t something we discuss in public!
I think it’s time to change that. I am tired of pretending; hiding; of trying to ignore those waves of guilt, shame and insecurity that try to wash over me like an ocean wave at high tide. I believe I’m a pretty average human and if I am struggling with these things, there are others of you who are as well. There’s the hope that, perhaps— if I am brave enough to talk about it, I can encourage others to as well. It’s important because the kind of fear I’m talking about is impacting most of us on a daily basis, even when we’re unaware of it.
You see– believe it or not– fear isn’t always loud. In fact, in its most potent form, it’s actually Quiet! It’s gnawing instead of bold. It’s accusatory instead of inquiring.
It’s goal is to keep us small and comfortably contained. But…
What if fear is the “Gate Keeper”? The very thing that holds us back!
What if we actually aren’t Lazy, Unmotivated, Disinterested, or Indifferent?
What if we are simply consumed with fear? A quiet, gnawing fear… The kind that shows up as a paralyzing inner voice that sounds like:
“That will NEVER work!”
“You’re going to embarrass yourself!”
“You’re going to regret that!”
As I stood looking at the antique armoire I bought the other day, I felt it. The agonizing taunting. The paralyzing fear. That critical voice in my head that said, “Don’t mess with it. You’re gonna mess it up!!”
For two days now, I have walked up to this cabinet pondering all the beautiful ways I can give it new life in our home. And for two days, the voice in my head has taunted me.
Instead of shrinking from it, I’ve chosen to sit with the insecurity. I’ve listened to the scared little girl locked inside my head– the one who was taught that taking chances was risky and irresponsible; something I would always regret.
I’ve allowed that little girl to be open and honest as she’s poured all of her concerns & fears out on to the table of today’s life. I haven’t been critical of her. I just listened. I have come to realize that she has been my ‘secret weapon’; the psychological trick my psyche has used to keep me emotionally safe all these years. She is extraordinarily ‘cautious’; a very hard worker! She never allows me to make a move without fully educating me on all the dozens of things that could go wrong with my plan!
I get it! Life is hard! It can be soooo very scary. We have dreams and goals and … well… sometimes things happen and they just don’t work out as we have hoped. The little girl in my head has seen more than her share of pain over the years and all she’s really trying to do is prevent me from experiencing any additional disappointment. It’s an honorable goal, and I respect what she’s trying to do.
But there is a piece to the equation that this cautious little girl hasn’t taken into account. If I always allow her to talk me into taking the safe path, I won’t ever get hurt; I won’t be disappointed; but… I also lose the opportunity to live the life I was created for. I would be trading HOPE for despair, FAITH for doubt and a passionate LIFE for… stability. It would be like an artist having an entire pallet of colors in her supply box but choosing to only use shades of gray. I’m not a glutton for punishment, but I am willing to trade a few knocks and bruises for the opportunity to experience a life well lived!
So today? I’m going to hold that anxious little girl’s hand while I make a big girl decision about my cabinet. No, I don’t have all the answers yet. (And yes, I’m still feeling pretty anxious. haha) But I am stepping up to the plate and making a conscious decision to live more boldly, even when it comes at the cost of significant discomfort.
I’m going to lovingly remind her that I only spent $100– and even if I wind up hating it and throwing it out, I’ll still have the money to eat next week. It’s just a piece of used furniture. It’s not a family heirloom. It’s not going to be tragic if it doesn’t wind up looking like it does in my head. We’re going to move forward with my idea anyway… In spite of the fear. NOT out of disrespect for that little girl’s fears but as a way of honoring the grown woman she’s become. Here’s to kicking fear in the face! I hope you guys find the courage to step outside the box and conquer a few of your internal fears, too!
Until Next Time,
