Tag: #personalgrowth

A Lady Under Construction

Posted on by mrsmonarch

Hello dear One!

Thanks for stopping by. It’s good to see you again!

I want to start by saying that a lot has happened in my personal life since 2025 started and I figured this was as good a time as any to catch you up. On January 20th, while the majority of Americans were rejoicing the changing of the guard on our political scene, I was receiving the news that my momma passed away, unexpectedly. It all happened very quickly. I live out of state and there was no time to get there before she passed.

Now, we all know that death is inevitable. And I have lived long enough to have watched a number of my friends walk through the loss of one– or even both– of their parents. My head knew this would happen one day; but– the thing is? My head apparently never told my heart! For some insanely crazy reason that I can not begin to explain, my heart was completely shocked by the news.

I still haven’t come to terms with it.  I know this will sound absolutely bonkers because we each realize that death is something we will all have to eventually deal with. But for some reason, my heart just keeps screaming, “That’s other peoples’ moms! Not MY mom! My mom can’t die!”

And then my head steps back in and says, “Hey– not only can she die, she DID die!”

Even worse?  A hundred times a day, for no particular reason, my head decides to give my heart a reality check! “You ain’t got a momma any more!”, it quips. Each time the haunting words make me struggle to catch my breath. It’s almost like two siblings, living under the same roof, who can’t get along! It’s all been quite odd and has sent me into a bit of an emotional tailspin.

My mom and I had a number of unresolved issues between us. Now? I’m going to have to work through those alone, with the memory that she loved me dearly but the realization that we couldn’t reach restoration in this life time. It’s a bittersweet reality.

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My writing is going to be impacted by the loss. There were already a dozen facets of my life that I’d intentionally placed under construction. I have identified patterns of behavior in my life that don’t line up with who I want to be in this season of life, so I’m cleaning house and doing a considerable amount of remodeling. I’ve been reading, writing, and studying furiously. Change is never easy but not changing is spiritually and emotionally deadly, so I am continuing to push through towards a vision that, although not completely clear yet, promises to be lighter, brighter and more aligned with my purpose.

It’s a new arena for me. I’ve never really been one to enjoy change. In the past, I’ve tended to cling to the old, comfortable, ill-fitted situations where I knew what to expect and what was expected of me rather than forging ahead into scary, new territory. But that was the old me. New me is still uncomfortable, but she has determined that she will press forward anyway.

I will make some wrong turns along the way, I suppose. But I won’t beat myself up about that. I have promised myself that I will embrace every aspect of the journey with the understanding that it takes both the ‘good’ and the ‘not so good’, the ‘gentle’ and the ‘harsh’ to propel us where we need to be. After all, a diamond isn’t forged in gentle waters.

I hope you will stick around and cheer for me as I break down the fears, insecurities and challenges which have been stumbling blocks in the past. I would certainly appreciate having cheerleaders as I push onward towards the finish line of life. For my part, I promise that I will continue to show up here— in spite of all my flaws and short comings— offering encouragement and hope to everyone who’s path I cross.

Until Next Time,

A Garden Analogy About Trauma

Posted on by mrsmonarch

I separated & transplanted this Oregano plant just before our first frost. She was given a front row seat at my coffee station, close to the window, where she could soak up the morning sun. With the night time temperatures plummeting quickly, I just knew she’d be grateful.

Instead? She promptly began to shrivel and die! 😱

Some gardeners might have given up on her, but I was patient. I know change is hard! I understand that being uprooted & forced to endure situations beyond our control can stress us to the breaking point. I knew it wouldn’t be an easy transition but thankfully, I have lived long enough to trust that time and love are mighty healers.

The days marched forward. The chilly November nights gave way to brutally killing frosts. Every morning, I would pull back the curtain and welcome the morning sun on her behalf. Once each week, I faithfully watered her, and tenderly swept up the vast amount of crispy, dead leaves she kept dropping. She was stubborn and made sure I was aware of her resentment of the change.

Honestly, there were days when I wasn’t sure she would make it. Perhaps I really had pushed her beyond her limitations? It was possible. I had dug deep in the garden the day I took her. I severed long roots and tore apart alliances she had made with the plants surrounding her. Some of the plants I do this to don’t survive being transplanted. The possibility didn’t change my resolve. After all, leaving her in the garden would have guaranteed her demise. At least this way, she would have a fighting chance!

The months have slowly passed. Her struggle has been obvious, even though she’s been silent. It is now mid January. From my office window, our yard looks like a barren wasteland. Her old garden friends are entombed under 8″ of snow and ice. Had I left her in her comfortable old home, she would be dead by now, a victim of the harshness of these frigid Missouri winters.

Ah, but I am happy to report that this morning, when I went to check on her, I found that she’s showing signs of new growth. She’s clearly “accepted” the changes life has pushed upon her & has finally determined to make the most of her new circumstances. New leaves are sprouting. There are even a couple of tender new shoots popping up in the clay pot. It’s going to take awhile for her to make a full recovery–yes, that’s true. But eventually, she’s going to get there!

Just so you know– this can work with people too. Yes– even you!

How do we get from “here” to “there” ? It’s a process, my friend. First? Be gentle as you make your transitions. Realize that changes can be painful and recovery might come slower than you were hoping. Next? Nurture yourself with regularity. You can’t expect to ignore your needs and do any amount of thriving! Allow yourself time to soak up the sun. Eat quality meals. Drink enough water. Get out and move around. Be less concerned about how things look from the outside and focus primarily on getting settled into this new “place” where life has planted you. Lastly, be wise and recognize that there will probably be a season of rest, where it looks like nothing is happening. We all know that looks can be deceiving. Trust the process! Often our biggest growth comes from “quiet” seasons.

It takes both courage and faith to do these things. But Dear One, time & love are mighty healers! Once again, our amazing Creator has given us a gardening analogy that provides a valuable life lesson. It is possible to experience trauma and thrive! I hope this serves a encouragement.

 

Until Next Time,